


Another Crystal Gem Spinel Au

by HisFavoriteDarkAngel



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Crystal Gem Spinel Au, F/F, and have a complex over never being good enough for either pink or her, cries, didnt think id come out of this thought process shipping pearl and spinel but uh, especially with pearl, if this gets, spinel/pearl - Freeform, the more i thought about it the more i realized spinel would prob really like pearl, theres so much potential for angst and comfort, yeah i might as well add that to the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 01:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisFavoriteDarkAngel/pseuds/HisFavoriteDarkAngel
Summary: In this, I explain my thoughts on how Spinel would fit into the canon if she had been with Pink for the rebellion.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feelings, ok? ;-; It's just so interesting to think about how Spinel could've easily been a part of all this if she hadn't been left behind. Might add more to this later if I ever need another au thought bubble rant....

Original Crystal Gem Spinel  
\- Au where Spinel went with Pink to Earth and stayed by her side through the entire rebellion.

\- When Pink was given the colony, she was excited, but she also held a bit of a subconscious fear you get when something new in your life happens. To help herself, she brings something familiar, Spinel.

\- Spinel is an immense help as entertainment at first. While the new responsibilities were exciting at first, Pink gets bored quickly. She tries and fails to make conversation with Pearl, so Spinel eagerly steps up. Pearl feels discouraged that she can’t provide her diamond with the back and forth she wants and tries to remedy this quicker by thinking more on her own, seeing Spinel as competition for keeping her diamond’s needs met. Spinel doesn’t understand the situation, and just keeps looking out for things to help lighten up the mood.

\- Going more in depth with Spinel and Pearl’s relationship at first, Pearl logically knows that it’s Spinel’s job to entertain Pink, so she SHOULDN’T be feeling bad about it, but she does. She’s free thinking for the first time and not realizing it, by feeling competitive towards Spinel in keeping her Diamond’s needs met. Spinel meanwhile doesn’t think much on Pearl or how she changes to try to fit into conversations more with inputs and data. She just sees her as a new friend who’s trying to get in on the fun too.

\- It’s because of the competitiveness Pearl feels that she quickly jumps in with the “disguising Pink as a Rose Quartz” idea. She’s very proud of having beat Spinel in finally letting Pink have a way to get what she wants (visit Earth), but Spinel is just impressed with Pearl for being smart enough to come up with it, and is equally excited to finally get to Earth and play there.

\- Everything goes the same. They explore Earth. Pink is enamored by it, Spinel also finds herself being entranced by the wildlife reminding her of her garden, but being more wild, free and full of life, and Pearl is just holding on to the happiness and pride of being the one who came up with the idea that’s making her Diamond so happy right now.

\- Pink tries to get the colonization to stop but is refuted. She decides to lead a rebellion, and Pearl and Spinel follow. To avoid being recognized, Spinel’s disguise is like that of the film(? Tbh not sure on this. Why would she look that sad? Maybe it’s her attempt to look as opposite to herself as possible). 

\- Everything follows suit. I can’t help but compare Spinel to Pearl. Both were created for Pink, but Pearl obsesses over her in this not just because she’s her Diamond, but because her first feelings and thoughts were on how to beat Spinel to please Pink more. It led to her just being addicted to Pink’s approval overall, and even to still hold that bit of a smug attitude towards Spinel over being “Pink’s favorite.” Spinel on the other hand, continues to fail to see their trio as anything other than an equal friendship. She still feels her Diamond’s impact like Pearl does in wanting to please her, but she also feels genuinely close to Pearl and appreciates her as a smart individual. She just likes being a part of it all.

\- She’s quick to befriend every new Crystal Gem that joins, and is a chief motivator for everyone. 

\- As the war rages on and casualties roll in, it’s hard for Spinel to stay as upbeat and happy as she’s supposed to be. Losing friends hits her the hardest of the three, but she feels like if she cries in front of anyone, she’s failing her role as an entertainer/motivator, so she does her best to hide it and keep smiling. A Crystal Gem outside the trio, let’s say Garnet, finds her crying alone one day, and talks with her about it. Once Spinel finally confesses the reason why she hides it, Garnet makes a good point that sticks to her. “We are the Crystal Gems. We are fighting the roles that were given to us, including yours of always being a happy gem. You’re allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to show it. Stop trying to hide it, we would never think less of you for it.” A good hug ensues.

\- Speaking of Garnet, when she’s discovered by the trio, Spinel reacts to it by being as amazed as Rose. Pearl moves first to try to fuse, picking up Rose, but Spinel joins in immediately, trying to lift Pearl, making them all tumble. Pearl is exasperated with Spinel for interfering, Spinel says she just wanted to try it with them, but Rose interjects and asks Pearl seriously what it was she was thinking. Pearl goes on her rant, explaining how she’s starting to think on her own, how its silly, how she should be replaced. Rose stops her and tells her to never stop thinking for her own. Spinel watches on, and for the first time, for whatever reason, she feels a little left out.

\- As time goes on and everything continues as is, she keeps willfully ignoring how their dynamic has changed. How it’s actually always been. With the new realization that Pearl is having feelings for Rose, Rose also starts actively favoring her more. The things Pearl does and the way she acts around Spinel is the same, but Spinel is seeing it all with new eyes and noticing the smugness and annoyance that underlines everything she does. She just smiles through it all and distracts herself with the others. Rose left camp to go on some mission with only Pearl again? That’s alright, Spinel had to go with Bismuth and help her store some new weapons anyways. 

\- It keeps building, though, and lately, it feels like she’s been left at camp more and more as Rose and Pearl alone continue their secret double life to keep appearances. Wasn’t it supposed to be the three of them? Isn’t Spinel in on the secret too? Spinel tries to bring it up to Rose one day. “Hey, are the other Diamonds asking about me? Maybe I should pop in today during a call and say hi?” “Oh there’s no need. I told them you fell while trying to balance on a line for me, and shattered. Now you can stay in camp!” Spinel is shocked by how much it hurts that she was so quickly killed off. But she keeps sucking it up. This is nothing. This is all worth it. For the Earth. For her Diamond. She will do what is needed and comply. Including sealing herself from ever revealing the secret of Rose’s identity.

\- Pink is “shattered”, the corruption happens, Spinel is spared along with Garnet and Pearl. With all but them gone, they start to rely on each other more. Spinel is included more by Rose, and even Pearl steps off her attitude and makes a sort of peace with her. Spinel misses her comrades dearly, but she guiltily is glad to be back in the fold with those two again.  
\- Amethyst appears. While Spinel did start being included more, there’s still a fraction of a gap, as Pearl and Rose are still closest, and Garnet stays together in harmony. Amethyst brings much needed relief; Spinel is all over her, becoming her sort of big sister and main friend.

\- Greg appears. After years of going from human to human, this one is sticking around, and Pearl is growing JEALOUS. While Garnet and Amethyst laugh about it, Spinel can’t help feeling concerned for her. She feels left out, yeah, but she still cares for Pearl, and knows how hard it is to be ignored. While Rose goes on dates with Greg, Spinel tries distracting Pearl but fails every time. It always ends in Pearl ranting about how Greg is stupid and wont last much longer. Spinel is sick of this. She personally feels that Greg is okay, and can’t help but feel jealous herself that even with Rose gone, Pearl can’t seem to have a good time with just her.

\- Rose is pregnant. Everyone is trying to come to terms with the news. Spinel is as much of a mess as everyone else. Spinel has always made it a priority to help Rose do what she wants to keep her happy, but seeing how her decision to have a baby impacts everyone, Spinel can’t help feel like she cant get behind this. How can she place so much value on Rose’s happiness if it makes her other important friends and her so miserable?

\- Rose is dead. The baby’s name is Steven. They all look at the squirming baby, not knowing what to do. Pearl goes to remove his gem. Spinel watches on and does nothing, but Rose’s smile flashes in her mind, and her hand moves on top of Pearl’s. They look at each other. Pearl cries more. “She wanted this. This is what made her happiest.”

\- Greg is taking care of the baby. The Crystal Gems are still feeling lost and unprepared for the future. Garnet is trying to figure out how to be a good leader, PEarl is the most destroyed and withdrawn, Amethyst goes off by herself to avoide the heavy emotions in the temple. Spinel can’t take it anymore. She hates being alone. She tries hard to cheer up everyone, to bring them all together but nothing is working. She gets frustrated and finally snaps. She forces them all together in a room, she makes them all talk it out. She’s gentle, but forceful for once. They come to an agreement. They need to work together. They’ve all suffered a loss, but they still have one another. She hugs them all and they cry.

\- She becomes their emotional glue. She’s heavy with emotional baggage as well, but that can all wait. She needs to help Garnet lead her first mission to poof corrupted gems. She goes with Pearl to visit Pink’s palanquin in memorium. She becomes Purple Puma’s biggest fan. She’s helping them become a more stable unit, ready for when Steven finally moves in, but along the way, goes back to her unhealthy way of dealing with her emotions. She pushes all her sadness, all her tears. She can’t focus on that. The other’s feelings are more important. She can always cry alone.

\- Steven is growing up. Garnet is the cool mother. Pearl is the overprotective one. Amethyst is the big sister. Spinel is the fun mom.

\- As a child, Spinel and Amethyst take on the roles of playmates for him, Spinel enjoying playing all the games that remind her of her times with Rose when she was Pink. She’s a big reason as to why Steven is so childish in the first few seasons.

\- As time goes on and more is revealed to him, Steven doesn’t have to feel like the only emotional support in the group. Spinel knows what everyone is like. She is there to give him advice. The first few times the Crystal Gems explode, she’s there with him to pick up the pieces. Steven is dependent on this at first, he’s learning a lot from Spinel on empathy and how to diffuse situations, but all her own anger, all her own pain, all her own resentment one day just snaps. 

\- Spinel has her own breakdown, and runs to hide in her room. The other gems are busy with other things, and Steven goes to check up on her, somehow getting through the door. He sees her at her weakest, sobbing while clutching something that reminds her of Rose, and something clicks in his brain. Of course Spinel has moments like the others. He needs to help. 

\- This is his first time helping someone without help. Steven steps in and Spinel immediately stops crying, instead feeling horrified at being caught. She adamantly insists that she’s fine, and refuses to talk about it, kicking Steven out of her room. Steven doesn’t take it as an answer. He keeps persisting her on it, eventually letting it slip in front of everybody that she was crying alone in her room. Everyone looks at her, dumbfounded, Garnet stepping in and asking why she’s doing it again. Spinel breaks down again and lets out some hurtful words directed at Rose. Directed at Pearl. In her tirade, she almost lets Rose’s secret slip. “Why was it always just you two? I was in on it too. I was with her for it too. But I was always forgotten.”

\- That’s it. That’s all im writing for now. Its been hours. I cant anymore, im drained. But here’s an endnote of sorts.

\- In short, Spinel becomes a character defined by friendship. Her abandonment issues are still there, but not as grave. Instead of being abandoned, she was left out, and now she does everything she can to stay relevant, and keep in everyone’s business. Because she realized that putting Rose’s happiness above others was wrong at the last second, she tries making up for the misery Rose left behind by keeping everyone together and making it her priority to keep THEM happy. Her beef with Rose in why she was never as good as Pearl is also there, but she keeps ignoring it. Her anger over this slips a few times when she argues with Pearl over how she always lorded it over her. She has very complicated feelings for Pearl. She still sees her as a close friend, and she craves for Pearl to feel the same for her, but she also holds resentment for her hogging Rose’s attention. At the same time, she can’t help feel jealous of Rose for taking all of Pearl’s attention too.


	2. Well well well what do we have here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another one. PEople in tumblr asked for more and I can't say no :,,,D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here’s a continuation XDDD All the positive feedback is killing me, guys! Thank you so much for being interested in this :,,D  
Before moving on with the continuation of Spinel’s development after her outburst of emotion, Imma go more in depth to her relationships with the Crystal Gems, and bring up other stuff that was mentioned by others in this post. That’s the extent of what I have time for, unfortunately, as I;m busy with projects but be assured that I will continue. I don’t know how far I’ll go, but I love this.

\- Spinel’s hurt feelings towards Rose are at a standstill for the majority of their time being together after the war. The hurt from before is still there, but she opts out of confronting her because ‘it’s all in the past, and we’re back to having fun on Earth now.’ However, her love for her has definitely started waning. Whereas before, she would gladly do anything to make her smile out of her own volition, it feels more and more like just another role for her to take on. She doesn’t get as much of a rush out of it anymore. She doesn’t feel as proud. Spinel’s feelings are settling, and she’s seeing the big picture. Rose isn’t everything, and maybe she SHOULDN’T be. Then Rose gets pregnant. While everyone is in despair over the numbered days they have left with her, Spinel is confronting her internal conflict with her duties and her friends. This is honestly the happiest she’s ever seen her, she may not love her anymore but there’s still a dull hurt by it. More upsetting is the way everyone else is reacting. Pearl can’t leave Rose’s side and is always crying. Amethyst isn’t fully grasping what is happening, and focuses more on the excitement of having someone younger than her in the group. Garnet is trying hard to stay in control of her emotions, but is faltering and shaking all the time, on the verge of breaking. Spinel is mad. Why did Rose decide this? How can she be so selfish? How can she smile like that, knowing she’s leaving behind so much turmoil and baggage? She can’t even look at her anymore, she has so much spite. She runs away to cool her head, only to come back and see she’s already gone. 

\- Spinel sees Garnet as the perfect relationship. She loves her friend, and is grateful for all the support she gives her, but there are times she can’t help feel jealous of her. Garnet just came to be one day and it’s been good; she is never alone, she always has herself, and she hasn’t seen her fight herself ever. Spinel desperately wishes to have something like that one day. It’s not that she’s a romantic at heart, it’s just the fact of having someone forever by your side, and making it work. She could see herself staying a fusion with someone who loves her… Garnet has always been conscious of Spinel’s trouble with feeling left out. She was there to witness it all, how the original trio became recognized most as a duo, as Spinel got left behind more and more while the other two were nearly inseparable. Spinel would still attend the battles, yes, and be known as a force to recon with, but she wasn’t as in sync as Pearl and Rose. They were the ones seen as the closest. Garnet always tried to help her with this by giving her things to do. People to distract herself with. She hoped she would wake up and see that she doesn’t need to be a part of the two to be happy, that she made everyone at camp better with just her presence. But Spinel felt lacking anyways, and Garnet would sigh. After the Corruption song, Garnet felt relieved that they all grew tighter, and Pearl was finally giving Spinel a chance. IT made her happy to see Spinel finally be included. IT was even better when Amethyst came into the picture and took up most of Spinel’s time doing the things she loved, playing. Garnet, always the watcher and supporter. Then Rose died… and she felt so helpless. Garnet, who was Spinel’s reassurance, was cracked, and it was Spinel’s turn to lift her up. All of Garnets stern talking tos came back to bite her in the back. Spinel reassured her that she was the best leader of them all, and that she was strong enough to pull them all together. She told Garnet that it was time they go and catch some more corrupted gems together. Garnet would lead them, they would succeed, and it would be as easy as when Rose was with them. She was not taking no for an answer. Everything went smoothly, despite Garnet’s initial nervousness, and it helped her gain confidence in her new position. Spinel was right, she could definitely do this. She was the perfect fusion, and the best leader to bring them together.

\- Spinel and Amethyst are like siblings. Assuming Amethyst was as much of a blank slate as she was in the movie when she first emerged, Spinel takes on the biggest nurturing role out of all of them, going on adventures with Amethyst, playing with her, influencing her into becoming the laid-back, fun-lover she is later on. Amethyst clings to her as her best friend, and they’re happy when together, but she does notice Spinel’s different attitude towards Pearl. How hard she tries to make her happy. She thinks little of it until Greg shows up and Pearl is an anxious mess. Spinel tries to stay with her to help, leaving Amethyst to go on adventures on her own. Amethyst tries not to mind, she thinks she knows what it that makes Spinel want to help Pearl so badly. She does still feel lonely by it though, and starts hanging out with Vidalia instead. It helps. Rose gets pregnant and Amethyst is lost in the confusion. She doesn’t understand that once the baby is born, there will be no more Rose. She’s never experienced loss before, has no concept of it. Then it happens. Rose is nowhere to be seen, instead, there’s a baby with her gem. Amethyst is so confused. She keeps expecting it to be a joke, the baby has Rose’s gem, of COURSE it’s her, she’s just shapeshifting. Rose will definitely turn up sooner or later. The other two are crying, and Spinel’s nowhere to be seen, but Amethyst can feel it. Rose isn’t gone. She can’t be. Gems don’t disappear like that. Spinel comes back and hears the news, sees Garnet and Pearl. She leaves them for a bit to ask Amethyst how she’s doing. Amethyst doesn’t get it. Rose has been transformed for a while, wasn’t she excited about having the baby? Why isn’t she transforming back? Spinel takes her hand and looks her in the eye. Her face is the most serious Amethyst has ever seen it. “Amethyst, Rose is gone. Her gem belongs to Steven now. She’s not coming back from that.” The truth creeps up on her like a cat. Amethyst shakes her head. She’s crazy. They’re crazy. Rose is right there. She IS the baby. Why won’t she just get out? She runs away, she’s in denial. It can’t be right. IT isn’t until she disproves her belief in Three Gems and a Baby that all her emotions catch up to her. Rose won’t be coming back. In her place, there is only Steven. Amethyst keeps drifting outside of town, but Spinel manages to catch up to her one day. Amethyst is so lost in a new way. What happens now? How do the you move on? How do you… grieve? Spinel answers her. Everyone does it their own way. But crying usually helps. Amethyst trembles. She lets it out. She cries. She hopes she’s doing it right. Spinel hugs her and reassures her she is. 

\- Spinel’s relationship with Pearl is off. At the beginning, she felt like they were good friends. Then came the awareness that Pearl never saw her that way, and it made her feel awkward around her. She still felt the admiration and awe she did for her, seeing Pearl as an incredibly intelligent and amazing gem. The fact that she didn’t like Spinel meant there was something wrong with her. In self-shame, Spinel decided to keep out of her way. Then came the corruption song and their being the only survivors. They had lost so much, but now it was over. There was nothing to fight for anymore. Pearl felt secure in her position with Rose, and started letting go of her annoyance with Spinel. The day Pearl finally laughed at one of her offhanded jokes was the brightest moment in Spinel’s life. It gave her a flutter she hadn’t felt even with Pink; gained a satisfaction deeper than her life’s purpose. She continues trying to make her laugh, but succeeds only rarely. Pearl is still all eyes for Rose, and happily walks away from hanging out with Spinel if it meant more time with her. The moments where this happens gives Spinel the worst cases of dread and underlying jealousy, especially when Greg comes into the picture. Here Spinel is, trying to help so much, but it’s all a waste. Pearl never listens to anyone but Rose. After Rose’s death, Spinel holds Pearl close. She wanted Pearl to let go of Rose, but never like this. She’s busy with the other two, making sure to spend time with them and check that their ok too, but she’ll always treat Pearl more softly. Let her cry as much as she needs to. Follow her to all the places that remind her of Rose. She’ll let her go on and on about the old days, only providing her input when needed, even as Pearl glosses over the way they left her behind. Once again, she reasons, her emotions don’t matter in the grand scheme, like Pearl’s. She can take it. She also helps build Pearl’s confidence up. Her eternal praise is finally heard by Pearl; on how cool she is, how intelligent her plans are, how beautiful her fighting is. In doing this, Pearl does begin relying more on Spinel. She becomes warmer to her, valuing her, but she still fails to put the same care Spinel makes for her. She’s taking her for granted.

\- Spinel’s relationship with Steven. It’s a warm and nurturing one. But it doesn’t start out as that. Months after she returns and finds out Rose is no longer, the events of Three Gems and a Baby takes place. Everyone has their ideas on what Steven is. They run away with him and try testing them out. Spinel just watches from the corner, apathetic to it all. She’s so sick of caring about Rose. So worn out from caring about the others. Only when Pearl stops the car and goes in for the gem does Spinel move to stop her. She can’t help herself. It’s what Rose wanted. They know. But it’s so hard. After that, Spinel wants little to do with the baby. Looking at him reminds her too much of the hurt Rose left behind, and it makes her anger flare again. But after years of avoidance, whilst visiting Vidalia with Amethyst one day, there is toddler Steven. Looking at the new face he doesn’t recognize. Spinel is frozen under his eyes, her emotions rushing and making her cold. She doesn’t want to take a good look back at him, she’s afraid of what she’ll see. She’s afraid of the person he’ll remind her of. Steven is crawling, moving towards her, and she desperately looks around for help, but the others are busy talking and paying them no mind. She’s so nervous she’s shaking, she extends her arm, ready to snatch Amethyst and run, but is stopped with a hug to the leg. Steven is hugging her. She looks down and sees him looking back up at her. His chubby cheeks, his dark eyes, his curly hair. He looks so much like her. She’s trembling harder, lifts her leg to shake him off, but in the upward motion, Steven clings and laughs instead. That smile. She stops midair and stares. It’s just like Rose’s, but not like the ones before her death. It’s the same as her smiles back in the Garden, more genuine and innocent. She’s crying, but can’t help jiggle her leg a little more, making him laugh again. She’s laughing now too. It’s nice. It feels so nice. The ruckus makes the others turn their heads, and Greg frantically comes and lifts Steven away, telling Spinel that it’s dangerous to play with a baby like that. Spinel wipes her tears and asks earnestly what the best way to play with him is. She learns. She studies up on what humans can and can’t do, on what entertains babies, and how best to make them stop crying. She loves the sound of his laughter, she loves being with him, she loves HIM. As the Crystal Gems stop needing as much help getting over their grief, she spends more and more time with him, more than the others. Greg doesn’t mind, and appreciates her learning and helping. She teaches the others on what he’ll need now that it’s so close to moving time. She’s so excited to have him around and be able to teach him so much. She really hopes she can make it all fun.

OK, that was long. Now for some points brought up by others~!

\- @blazinggen1 and @raxaon brought up Spinel being the most powerful fighter. Here is how that fits in this:  
Is spinel the best fighter? Yes. Does she enjoy this fact? No. She wasn’t created to fight, and never imagined having to do so. She hates being in pain and causing it on others. At the start of the rebellion, she doesn’t think much on it because it’s all a game in her eyes. Poof them as quickly and as effectively as possible and their side wins. Nobody is getting hurt. IT’s fun. For their first fight, the three train beforehand, trying out different weapons, not realizing they can make their own yet. They go with swords, but Spinel lacks in skills with it, finding the prim, proper and structured fighting style that comes with it too much for her to memorize. Whilst in the fight, she is easily unarmed and cornered. Not willing to lose, she uses her stretchy powers and not only gets out of it, but manages to slingshot her way through everyone, poofing them all in a single swipe. Rose can’t help gushing over how effective Spinel was, Spinel being smart enough to think outside the box. Pearl huffs at the praise, and takes it as a challenge to train harder with her sword. Spinel eats it all up. All this praise gets to her, and she fights harder with a smile on her face, thinking she needs no weapon. She’s cocky in her abilities. They gain a bit more followers, making more friends, but the battles get fiercer as well. Spinel doesn’t mind it, she likes a challenge, then one fateful fight, she’s back to back with someone, they’re trapped, but she’s assuring them she’ll get them out of there. In an instant, something goes horribly wrong, they’re rushed by the enemy, and somewhere along the turmoil, her friend doesn’t get poofed, but shattered. The entire group stops. It’s the first casualty on the battlefield, and they look on in fear. Spinel’s head spins and the enemy gems look at her. Fear clouds her judgement, she needs to run away. She slips weaves through them, she’s running, she sees an exit and she’s praying she can make it, but one of the soldiers manages to snake their whip around her, and pull her back. Spinel is so scared, she’s whisked through the air and she struggles. In her squirming, her hand brushes against her gem. She clutches it, hoping to protect it, feeling something come out. Without thinking, as soon as she gets caught, she swings it, and hears multiple poofs happen all at once. Opening her eyes, she sees the gems littering the ground, and the weapon she brought out of her gem. She has a weapon. She lost a friend. She runs back to retrieve the shards, shows it to the others. War is not a game. It finally hit her. What has she gotten herself into? She looks around the camp, at all her new friends. Her eyes linger on Rose and Pearl. She grips her chest tight, feeling the tingle of her weapon behind it. War is not a game. But she needs to win it. She hates it. She hates fighting now more than anything. She notices it all. The hatred in the opposition’s eyes. The devastated cries as more casualties are presented. Every time she goes out, she feels herself growing more and more scared at what she can lose. But like her sadness, she can’t show it. She’s a motivator by default. She smiles at her comrades and reassures them. She’s not letting them die today. She knows they can make it. One day soon, they will all finally be happy.

\- The day Steven realizes Spinel is the most powerful fighter, he reacts like any little kid does. He’s all praises and stars. Spinel laughs it off awkwardly; while it’s the truth, she is very uncomfortable about her abilities, and in Steven admiring that part of her. She’d much rather him see her as the goofball who cracks jokes than as an effective fighter. An episode centered around this would start with Steven seeing her fight and praising her. Spinel tries to laugh it off and continue, but Steven being so excited by something new brings it up over and over again. Spinel finally snaps near the end, letting it slip how she hates being so good at fighting, how she’s hurt many gems with her abilities, how being good at fighting isn’t something she wants to define her. The episode ends with Steven telling her he’s sorry, that she IS more than just a good fighter, and he loves her jokes and friendly personality. She realizes she’s being silly in getting so worked up, Steven is just a kid and didn’t mean any harm with his praise. She hugs him and tells him he doesn’t need to apologize. She IS a good fighter, and it’s helped her and her friends out multiple times. She cracks a joke about it, making them both laugh, and ruffles his hair. She tells him he’ll learn how to fight too, and be better at it than her. But that being able to pick your battles is the best skill he can use. The episode is the first step in showing that Spinel has some unresolved stuff, and it goes to teach Steven that fighting isn’t everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that’s all I have time for. I REALLY need to get to work on my photography project now :,,D I spent all day just writing this. I hope you guys enjoy this addition, thank you all for reading my au! It makes me so glad to read your responses and tags!!! Wish me luck in completing my stuff good and fast enough to write more tomorrow guys, plz!  
btw, my tumblr for my writing aus and stuff is noodlenibblescribble in case you wanna keep up to date~! Thank you very much for supporting me ^^


	3. THE RECKONING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cries. I build up to Spinel's breakdown then show the first half of it. To be continued XDDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, now’s the “third time’s a charm” section! THIS IS WHERE IT GETS MORE IN DETAIL WITH EPISODES AND EVENTS, AAAAH. But! To start off, I feel I should defend my characterization of Spinel a bit.

Spinel was made to be a silly entertainer. A jester, a fool. She was created to be funny, childish, and naïve. But she was also given smarts. I find it funny how gems are supposed to have one job their whole lives and keep doing it until they die. If they’re so busy with that, where do they find the time for recreational moments to have with Spinels? Even high-ranking gems are doing something all the time, are Spinels just used occasionally for social gatherings? And Pink is the only personal owner of one because, as the baby diamond without any responsibilities, the other Diamonds just want to keep her entertained? Food for thought I guess. Anyways, Spinel has shown even after being rejuvenated to be smart. She’s goofing off in the background, sure, but she actively listens to what is being said, and pays attention. She comes up with the idea to piece the rejuvenated Crystal Gem’s memories together. She doesn’t necessarily know what’s going on, but she’s happy to help in any way. So she knows enough to pay attention, why is that important? It means she knows how to read the mood, and actively seeks out opportunities where she can interject. She’s created for the sole purpose of it, reading the room and making the mood better. She’s programmed to be better at realizing emotions and helping others deal with them. And after all that she’s exposed to, her abilities to do so grow the most. As everyone’s friend, she gets more experience dealing with it all. Her fun-loving nature it still there, but she also knows better on when to show it, and when it’s not needed. She wasn’t meant to be a silly clown forever. She’s changing just as much as the others.

Alright, now moving on.

Spinel’s breakdown. When does it happen? Looking at past episodes, I’m thinking of placing this right after some of the first major gem breakdowns, where Spinel could’ve helped Steven. For Amethyst, Tiger Millionaire, for Garnet Future Vision, for Greg and Amethyst Maximum Capacity, and most importantly, for Pearl, Rose’s Scabbard. (Also, small note here, rewatching these episodes kills me. Steven really is just a baby boy having to deal with all these adults’ issues. Doing his best, being so earnest and sincere with his attempts and being shot down even by his mother figures. My poor sweet boy. ;-;)  
~~~  
Detailed events of Rose’s Scabbard. Pearl starts yelling. 

“None of you had what we had.” 

“What do you know? You’ve never even met her!”

After Pearl runs away, Amethyst blows up about it and walks away. Garnet is quiet. Steven is concerned and wipes his tears. Spinel sees this and makes a note of it. She is going to have a long talk to Pearl about making him cry. She gets up and goes to follow her, like always. Steven sees this and tugs at her, telling him he’s coming too. They take a ride with lion. They both chase Pearl down as she runs through the Strawberry field. Steven keeps trying to talk to Pearl. Pearl just tells them to go away. Spinel yells back, telling her she knows the drill. They’re not going anywhere without her. Pearl groans. “Just- keep that THING away from me!” She starts hopping on the floating rocks. They both get down lion and go to follow her, Spinel helping Steven, and Steven still yelling out to Pearl, trying to tell her it’s ok, Lion’s not there. They reach the final floating island. 

“GO. AWAY.”

“Pearl, did I- Did I do something wrong? You gotta tell me.”

Spinel is surprised by Steven’s words. Where’d he get the idea that it was his fault? He looks so small and scared. She turns to look at Pearl fully expects her to respond, tell him he’s done nothing wrong, but there is only silence. Oh no. Spinel hates Steven getting hurt, Pearl’s feelings be damned. She picks him up and stretches across the islands, making it without issue. As soon as she steps down, she begins.

“What do you think you’re doing, Pearl?”

Pearl doesn’t even turn around to face her. Spinel puts down Steven and starts walking. “What’s the big idea?! Making us run all the way here. JUMP all those floating things. You could’ve put Steven in danger!”

Steven steps up, holding Spinel back. “Stop, it’s ok, Pearl is just sad, she wouldn’t hurt me on purpose!”

Spinel is ready to argue some more, but Pearl intervenes.

“Sometimes, you even sound like her…”

Steven and Spinel grow quiet and stare at Pearl as she vents.

She goes through her memory as in the show. Spinel’s eyes widen. She’s seeing this for the very first time. Thoughts are rushing through her head. Rose had given Pearl a chance? She had cared enough to stop and tell her of the dangers, give her a choice on where to stay? Spinel’s at a loss for words, lost in her thoughts, feelings of betrayal and loneliness resurfacing. She hugs herself as the memory plays out and ends so tenderly. “My Pearl.” So sweet.

Steven crawled to Pearl. Sat behind her. Spinel just stares from behind. 

“Sometimes, I wonder if she could see me through your eyes. What would she think of me now?”

Steven surprises both gems and hugs her.

“Well… I think you’re pretty great…”

Pearl’s tears. Spinel’s anger softens yet again. She watches on, lets her cry it out in Steven’s embrace, before stepping it with a well-worn smile. It’s time to go put the sword back.

They have a wonderful time watching Steven do tricks with Lion’s mane. Hearing Pearl recount their battles in great detail. They keep it up till sunrise, and ride Lion back home. It all worked out for the better. Pearl got to have her vent, and Steven made her feel better. Spinel still has to have a word with her on being careful with her outbursts, and especially on putting Steven in danger, but that can wait for when they’re alone some other time. Spinel is pretty tired and needs to go to her room. She needs to do some thinking (ignoring) of her own.  
~~~  
This is where Spinel’s breakdown begins to build up. 

It won’t take place immediately after Rose’s Scabbard, there are many other things that happen than need to take precedent, including dealing with Peridot’s reveal, and later invasion of the Homeworld Gems. Of course, naturally, she pushes her grievances down again and focuses on the problems at hand. She might even join Steven and Connie’s little cupid adventure in the episode “Love Letters” as a form of getting some fun and learning more about human courtship. “Reformed” also happens, but Spinel wasn’t a part of the adventure looking for the corrupted gem, just a part of the encouragement and group hug at the end. A good note to bring up with this is how Amethyst still does have a complex of feeling like Pearl is better than her, this time even reinforced by how Spinel drops everything to be with her. 

It’s in “Sworn to the Sword” where the straw that breaks the camel’s back occurs (yet another Rose/Pearl episode because her relationship with both IS the root of Spinel’s problems). Spinel is there with Steven as support for Pearl as she teaches Connie sword fighting, but with every lesson, she grows more and more uncomfortable. Looking at Steven, she sees how uncomfortable her lessons make him too. After one particularly verbally brutal session, Steven walks away and finally pulls Spinel to the side. “It’s not just me, right? This isn’t…. right.” Spinel takes a deep breath and sits him down to explain. 

“I’m sorry, kid, this is pretty messed up. She’s doing to Connie what she did for herself. When they were in the battlefield, lots of gems said that her and Rose were unstoppable. Incredibly in sync. But that was all in large because of Pearl, and her putting herself between Rose and danger every. Single. Day. Many times, she was almost shattered because of it.” She grips her arms, remembering the countless moments she had to look out for those specific situations to jump in and retrieve the poofed Pearl. Rose usually couldn’t even pick her up from the heated battle Pearl left behind. There was just too many close calls with her carelessness. She notices Steven shaking, and holds his shoulder. “Don’t worry. We are going to stop this. We can’t let Connie think the same way she did. Next session, we’ll stop them, and talk it out.” She gives him a reassuring smile, and he smiles back. He gives her a hug. “Thanks, Spinel.” She hugs back.

Next day, Connie marches in, and Steven attempts to stop to talk to her. She pauses, but Pearl comes in and insists that it’s time for their training. Spinel bursts through the door as soon as they warp away and smacks her face. “They just left! We gotta follow them before something happens!” They’re on the move, and notice Pearl talking to Connie. Just as the trial is about to start, Steven makes it to them with Spinel lagging behind, and has his little confrontation with Connie in the fight. They beat some holo-pearls together, and Pearl intervenes as in the episode. She demands he get out, but they refute her. Spinel watches on in awe, and hollers support at them as they fight Pearl. Pearl beats them, and has her meltdown. The back and forth is the same, but with Spinel speaking up and supporting Steven. 

“No! In a real battle, Steven won’t be there to save you.”

Spinel steps in beside Steven.

“Yes he will!”

Steven jumps in. “Yeah! I will!”

Pearl turns to glare at Spinel.

“How can you support this?! You don’t know that!”

Spinel stares back. “Yes. I do. If Steven needs to fight, Connie will be there, and they will have each other’s backs. That’s the RIGHT thing to do!”

Both kids pipe in now. “That’s right!”

Pearl is shaking her head and waving.

“But he shouldn’t be anywhere near the fight! He’s too important!”

Steven cuts in now.

“I am not!”

“Yes you are!”

“No!”

“Why wont you just let me do this for you Rose?”

Silence all around. 

Pearl tries to save it.

“I- I mean, let.. HER do this… why won’t you let… Connie… do this for you…”

Pearl drops her sword and walks away. “That’s enough for the day.”

The kids look at each other, and Spinel quickly runs to Pearl’s side. She holds her as the kids come and sit beside them.

Steven tells her he’s sorry for breaking up the training, but the stuff she taught was unhealthy. Connie asks if Rose made her feel like that. Pearl laughs and clutches Spinel. “Rose made me feel… like I was everything.” Pearl doesn’t notice the trembling as she grasps Spinel’s hand. Pearl finally sucks in a breath and goes on with getting excited over future classes for them. Once she’s done explaining to them the schedule changes, they leave first, leaving behind Spinel and Pearl. 

Pearl moves to pick up her sword and laughs again. “Here I am.. projecting onto Steven again… after I promised not to last time.” She looks over her shoulder to Spinel, who has her arms crossed. 

“What’s the punishment?” She jokes. 

Spinel gives a nervous chuckle, and looks off the arena. “I dunno… I’ll have to decide later. Buuut I might end up making you drink coffee.” Pearl shudders and makes a disgusted noise, making Spinel laugh some more. “Or maybe I’ll just have you help me clean my room again.” 

“Deal! Anything but… eugh, drinking.” She holds a hand over her mouth, and Spinel grins, but something about tonight makes her feel the need to break this light mood. She feels like it’s time to start asking questions. 

“So… Rose… really made you feel like all that and a bag of chips, huh?”

Pearl smiles. “Oh.. yes..! The way she talked to me… how she took me everywhere… even asked for my opinions…. I really felt like I had a spot right next to her, that no one could replace.” She sighed dreamily, and started practicing some more sword moves with a hum. Her memories brought her back some familiar happiness.

Spinel’s crossed arms grew tighter, but she couldn’t stop the storm that was leaking out. In a scratchy voice, she spoke.

“Oh. Must’ve been nice.”

Those few words. How could she have let them out?

Pearl’s movements completely stopped, and the seconds ticked by fast in Spinel’s ears as she saw Pearl turn in slow motion. The look she gave her was priceless, but oh, how it made her stomach churn.

“What?”

Spinel’s already fragile backbone broke, and her cold feet almost made her slip. “Oh, it’s nothing! Just a slip up! Ah, gee, would you look at the time!” She looked down at an invisible watch and pointed at it frantically. “It’s getting late, and I have some things to do! I’ll just, leave ya to your training!” Pearl takes a step, Spinel notices, but she chickens out of the room in a flash, and warps back to the temple. 

Steven is there, of course, sitting on the counter, and greets her warmly. “Hey Spinel! Wanna split a sandwich? I thought I was starving, so I made it pretty big but-“ He notices Spinel’s wrecked demeaner, and his smile drops. “Spinel? What’s wrong?” Spinel’s too overloaded. She can’t hold back. She doesn’t respond, just runs back to her room to do what she does best, hide and lick her wounds, leaving behind a confused Steven, growing dread in his stomach. He knew the expression of someone holding back tears. What had happened?  
~~~~  
Next episode(?) Spinel is in her room, having her breakdown. Her room is made to look like her garden from back when she was Pink’s, but with actual plants she’s personally planted in them. She’s taken quite an interest in the flora of this planet. She passes her carefully cultivated plants to run to her favorite tree, a rhododendron the same color as her gem. She cries there for a good while, letting out all her locked up tears. But it’s not enough to cry about it. She relives through all the painful memories. How she was so easily killed off, not even given the choice to stay or go back to Homeworld, not like Rose did to Pearl. She wasn’t important enough. Her opinions didn’t matter then and they don’t matter now. How many times had she saved Pearl during the war? How much support had she given her over the years, helping her training, singing her praises, doing everything she could to help her be the best gem she could be? And how long has she coddled Pearl once Rose left them? It all mattered for naught. It was Pearl and Rose. Always JUST Pearl and Rose. Iconic. Duo. No room for three. She cries and she punches, shaking the tree, unconsciously controlling the weather of the room into becoming a storm as equal as her own, the wind picking up and blowing the other plants. She’s done punching, she’s calming down, she lays in the ground still sobbing, but feels something land on her head. She picks it up. 

A rose.

Out of all the flowers in her garden.

It was a rose.

Fury reignited, she gets up and runs to her rose archways, her path of destruction not ending. 

She yanks at it, she bends it all. She takes out her scythe and slices the metal and plants to pieces. Petal confetti rains down with the water droplets, but her thoughts don’t stop spilling. Why did Rose get to keep all the glory? Why do the rest of them think so highly of her? Couldn’t they see just how selfish she was? Couldn’t they learn to hate her as much as she did? Why just her? What was wrong with her?! She finally stops her tirade with the biggest, most childish bawl, sitting amongst the chaos she created. Why did this happen to her? What kind of gem was she, thinking so hatefully towards her Diamond. She was never even supposed to be a part of the rebellion; this all started because she was so obedient to her leader. Yet here she was. She wiped her tears and tore at the grass now, wanting nothing more than to cause more demolition. 

She should’ve never come to Earth with Pink.

She should’ve stayed in her garden.

She could’ve stayed happy.

She could’ve stayed ignorant.

She could’ve still been her goofy, naïve self.

Instead of this… jealous, miserable, and spiteful excuse of a gem.

Such an ugly waste of space.

She’s done with her anger, leaving only her broken sadness and disfigured feeling of self-worth. She was worthless and unlovable like this. 

In the midst of her brooding, she hears a gasp that makes her neck snap with how quick she turns to investigate.

Steven.

Steven?

Oh no.

How did he get in.

“How did you get in?”

Steven steps in from the bushes.

“There’s a hole that connects all the rooms… Are.. you ok? Spinel-“

“Don’t. Stop. I don’t need this. I don’t need any help!”

“Spinel! It’s ok. I’m sorry I never thought to ask you before, but I’m here now. You can talk to me. Tell me-“

“I DON’T NEED TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING! I’M FINE! REALLY!”

“Spinel…”

Spinel feels like it’s all crashing down. Why was it Steven? Why was she caught? How could she end this? How could she run away?? She really doesn’t need to talk about anything! Her problems are so insignificant! So ugly and bothersome! Only she should worry about them!

But Steven is right in front of her now, and he’s giving her a knowing look. The same, determined look she’d given all the others. The look that was quickly followed by-

“Spinel. I care about you. We’re not leaving this room until you let me hear what’s bothering you, and how I can help.”

She taught him too well.

Spinel is ready to melt down all over again, her limbs growing softer, her pigtails drooping. But she can’t! she pulls on them and gRoWLs. She won’t give in! She’s not like the rest of them! She’s more pathetic!

“NonononoNONONONO NOOOO!” 

She SCREAMS and slingshots herself across the room, too quick for Steven to stop, making it through the door, but rebounded back in by a wall of maroon called Garnet. Pearl and Amethyst stand beside her, blocking her exit and giving her concerned looks. It’s her worst nightmare.

“W-What?”

“I told them. I wanted us to all sit down and talk together.” Steven comes from behind and holds her hand. He looks so earnestly worried, tears forming in his eyes.

“C’mon Spinel. You know we care about you. Let us help.”

Garnet speaks up.

“Spinel. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you how you felt all this time. I knew you had that terrible habit of keeping it all to yourself, but I was too focused on myself to realize. That was irresponsible of me as a leader. As a friend.”

Amethyst steps in.

“I’m so sorry, dude. You’re always there for us, but we never really get to let you talk. We really messed up.”

Pearl… 

“Oh Spinel.” She’s crying. “I’m- I’m so SORRY. I was so BLIND, I didn’t-“

Spinel DIDN’T want to hear this.

“SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! JUST. STOP!”

She makes her fist large, and punches the floor, causing the entire house to shake dangerously, and the gems to fall.

“You! Youyouyouyouyou! All of you! You of all! This whole time, all I needed was to focus on you guys! I don’t matter, ok? I never mattered! Why can’t you just accept that! I’m! Nothing!”

Another heavy hit. The house is creaking and the gems are getting nervous. Garnet tries to yell at Spinel to stop, but she isn’t listening.

“My feelings are stupid defects! I’m just supposed to be the motivator, ok? I was never built for this… UuGH COMPLICATED, DISGUSTING SADNESS. I’m supposed to be HAPPY. Why can’t you at least let me PRETEND to be HAPPY? It’s all. I have. LEFT!”

One final hit. The floor gives way and falls beneath Spinel and Steven. Luckily, Garnet catches the boy in time. Unfortunately, Spinel is left dropping towards the cliffs, the gems gasping as they see her, her expression is accepting, as she hits the rocks and tumbles until she poofs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this is the next stooooop. This was soooo much longer >w< AAGH MY SLEEP IS RUINED. I hope this take on the story is as good as it was anticipated ;w; I thought about the rejuvenation storyline that was pitched for this emotional turning point by @raxaon, but it’s such a juicy action with so much angst potential, that I gotta save that plotline for something else hehehe. Once again, thank you all for your interest in this! Reading the comments is a highlight of my day ;w; I’d work on this harder for your guys if I could. Thank you so much for the support! <3 Yall are amazing!
> 
> Ps. Im really hoping to make some fan art of this in the future. Stay tuned :,,D I need to have enough time to be able to write the next segment AND atleast have doodles of this. Who knows, I might even be able to draw more forms for Spinel to take? We’ll see :,,,D


	4. Prob not what you guys wanted, but it's necessary :,,D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gems argue and decide who should speak to Spinel first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooooo, back at it again with the emotional drama~!  
Sorry I took longer than I said I would ;w; I really need to focus on college, guys. I apologize, these will come out with longer periods of time in between. That being said, I hope I can make up for it this time by providing some more details on Spinel’s outfits. I have very vague and probably not solid ideas for the designs of them (I am not fashion expert hahaa :,,D) But I’ll do my best to describe em. Once I’m done sketchin, I’ll also post them on my drawing tumblr dredreadsdrawing and link em next time to help visualize them better.

Overall, there are 5 major outfit changes in her life.  
1\. Her Original outfit. Cute and innocent.  
2\. Her Rebellion outfit. She loses the heart buns, has frills in her shorts, and a big star with her gem turned upside down in the middle of it. She changed its direction to mimic her diamond. Her shoulder pads also form triangles at the sides.  
3\. Post-Corruption outfit. Keeps the pigtails, but has a more jester-themed outfit. Multiple stars on her shorts, star bangles on the edges of her gloves, and stars at the base of her pigtails. She dons on a lot more stars as a show of respect for her fallen friends. (Possibly she might also have a star painted on a cheek. Idk, I just thought it was cute to imagine her with a face-painted like star. Aaaah)  
4\. Post Steven’s Birth outfit. Shoulder pads go back to balls. Only a single star in her outfit (don’t know where to place it). More muted colors/simpler design. No tear streaks yet, she needs to look as comforting as possible.  
5\. Breakdown Outfit: Tear streaks finally out baby. Movie outfit. No more stars, no more allegiance visible.  
6\. Post-Self healing Outfit: A star is back, but not for Rose. For her friends. No more tear streaks. She keeps her darker colors and edges though. She’s got a more Punkish feel.

:,,D Welp, this is all I got so far. I hope these descriptions are well enough to help your mental pictures! I def feel like there could be an outfit change between Post-Corruption and Steven’s Birth, but I wouldn’t know what could trigger it/how to make the change relevant. Moving on.  
~~~~~  
Pearl was worried.

While the others sat around the couch, Spinel’s gem on a pillow in the table, Pearl paced back and forth from the window to the kitchen. 

What had she done?

She hugged herself, reliving the brief moment Spinel let her thoughts slip. ‘Must be nice’. So much spoken with so little words. But before Pearl could process it all, Spinel left in a flash, leaving Pearl by herself. 

‘Must be nice.’

What did that mean? 

Before going back to the temple, Pearl took a while to think it through. She took a low stance and created a high level holo-Pearl for herself. She always thought best while doing something else. 

‘Must be nice.’

The three of them had started together. Spinel was in on everything since the beginning. She HAD been integral. She was Pink Diamond’s Spinel, how could she not?

‘Must be nice’

… Granted, there were the few times when Pink requested Pearl to go back with her to talk to the other Diamonds…. But it was more useful to have Spinel back at camp. As the heart of the Rebellion, she played an important part in keeping moral! Making up an excuse on why she wasn’t around anymore was the best thing they could’ve done to avoid suspicion…

‘Must be nice’

But other than that, she was always included in every battle! They shared the same wounds! Every Crystal Gem had a part to play together, and they worked like a well-oiled machine! It was their duty to do so…

‘Must be nice’

And Rose had always praised Spinel’s fighting capabilities. She saw how good she was, and gave her the credit she deserved! 

‘Must be nice.’

How could she say that? She was loved and taken care of by Rose. There was no need to be petty with Rose’s friendship. Just because she spent more time with PEarl didn’t mean-

More time.

Pearl poofed the holo-Pearl and stayed standing, processing. She really did spend the most time with Rose out of everyone. But why? Her dedication to her diamond was obsolete, of course. But… wasn’t Spinel’s will to please her there as well? It… was the whole reason Pearl felt so competitive around her. Spinel knew how to best make Rose smile. But then

Why didn’t Rose take Spinel with her like Pearl?

Where pride would usually settle, came a feeling of dread she tried to fight against. Maybe Pearl was just that good? That useful? Surely, Rose preferred her for a big reason? OR maybe Spinel was just that valuable to the Rebellion as a whole? But what about those planning sessions? Perhaps Spinel’s childish nature would’ve gotten too in the way. But she’s actually very smart and quick, it’s the whole reason she was so feared in the battlefield…. And even after the war, Pearl hardly ever saw Rose alone with her. It was always the group together, or Rose with someone else.

What possible reason did Rose have that caused her to keep leaving Spinel behind?

All this conflict hurt Pearl’s mind. She had to go back and calm herself down. 

She warped through to the house and sighed. She’ll just go back to her room, do some organizing, and-

“Pearl’s here!” 

Pearl was rushed by Steven, him grasping her sides while looking up at her. Concern was all over his face.

“Pearl, you were with Spinel! What happened? Why was she so sad?”

“What do you mean?” Pearl looked at Steven, then at Garnet, who walked towards them.

“He says he saw Spinel crying and he’s worried.” 

“WHAT?”

Amethyst walked in, her arms crossed. 

“You heard them. Spill the beans, Pearl. What did you do?!”

Pearl glared at her.

“I didn’t do anything! She asked me if Rose really made me feel that important, and I-“

“And you went on and on about how wonderful she is again. Geez Pearl, read the room! All these years, and you still haven’t picked up on her feelings for you?!”

Pearl’s body flinched and she began to stutter. “F-F-FEELINGS?! SPINEL?”

“Oh don’t play dumb! You know how she looks at you! How she stops everything just to go and help you EVERY TIME you have another breakdown about Rose! Who else does that??”

“Both of you, STOP.”

Garnet came between the two, her face and tone starting to drip with worry as well.

“Amethyst, you have no right to bring up that stuff. What Spinel feels and what she does with it is up to her.”

Pearl’s gut twisted at Garnet’s offhand confirmation.

“Besides, that’s not the root of the her issues.” 

Garnet turned and walked towards Spinel’s room, stopping at its edge.

“She’s always had a problem. She was a pioneer for us Crystal Gems, with Rose and Pearl. But she always felt left out from them, and insecure.” Garnet’s fists shook. “And she has the terrible idea that she can’t show her pain to others. I… I can’t believe I forgot.” She gripped her head in shame. “After Rose left, did any of us ask how she was doing? How she was coping?”

No one answered, only eyes growing wider.

“We’ve failed her.”

Pearl shuddered. 

Everything was coming back to her.

All her pushy comments and nitpicky attitudes, her eagerness to block Spinel from personal missions. The long looks Spinel gave them, the heavy sighs. The times Spinel came back to camp after leaving for a while, with red rimmed eyes and a renewed sense of humor. Everything about it, during the war, Pearl had hated so much. But… it all grew better with time. 

The silly jokes and unpredictable shenanigans. The compliments and the beaming smiles. The time spent together while Rose was gone, Spinel glued to Pearl, and Pearl patiently waiting. What heartfelt talks they shared…

But never about her.

Pearl had been… selfish.

They stood around, contemplating their misdeeds, until Steven spoke up.

“Well I’m going in there.”

They all looked up. 

He walked to the door and banged on it.

“Spinel! Spinel!! We’re all here! Open up!”

Amethyst followed suit and transformed her hands to be bigger, banging on the door with force and calling out.

But no answer. Steven groaned.

Amethyst detransformed but had an idea. 

“What about those pipes connecting our rooms to the core? We can go through them!”

“Amethyst! I forgot about those! Let’s go right now!”

“Hold on.”

Garnet stopped them, her glasses flashing.

“I think Steven should go alone. Spinel is in a very vulnerable state right now, and having us all inside will cause her to flee. It’s best we wait outside, just in case.”

They all nodded.

Spinel had helped them all with their problems using her tough love and determination. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was their turn to return the favor. 

~~~

What were they going to do now?

Garnet had foreseen multiple situations, and in most of them, Spinel would react badly to their help, but give in with time. 

But they all varied with the ways they approached her, and only in a few of them, had she poofed.

Now what would they do once she came back?

How would she come back?

Garnet quietly rubbed her forehead and looked around. Amethyst and Steven kneeled, the two sitting closest to Spinel, and whispering to themselves worries on how Spinel would return. Pearl was doing her pacing that signified she had a lot on her mind. Garnet looked back at her hands and entwined them nervously.

She was sure that together, they could comfort Spinel. But there were so many tripwires to dance around, how could she keep everyone in check as to not set one off? 

Looking through the infinite abyss, she came to one conclusion she could put all her hope into.

“We can’t rush her like before. We need to talk to her one on one.”

Everyone turned to her, and agreed.

“But… who will be the first one to do it?”

Steven stepped up.

“I mean! I could do it first! I can help her, I know I can! I just need to calm her down first!”

He was eager to be of service to Spinel, after teaching him so much. But he’s still just a child, and these problems are too big for him alone.

“No, Steven. Spinel will probably still be very mad when she returns. It’s best we take the brunt of it, before she sees you again. She would never forgive herself if she hurt you.”

Steven looked disheartened, but he sat back down. He pet the pillow sadly.

Garnet stood up and motioned for the door. “Let’s discuss who goes first outside.” The other two obediently followed. The night sky was bright with a full moon, and the wind blew softly. Though Garnet called it a discussion, her mind was already made up. She leaned against the house.

“It’s best I go first and diffuse the situation.” Afterall, she’d already calmed her down once.

Amethyst shook her head.

“What? No! Why can’t I help her? Garnet, I can do this! She needs me!”

Garnet had overlooked how scared Amethyst was. Spinel had been her rock her whole life; seeing her cry for the first time has left her feeling both small and protective at the same time. But her lack in helping others would only cause Spinel to feel worse at her attempts.

“Amethyst, it won’t-“

“I should be the one.”

Everyone turned to Pearl, surprised to see her speak up. Amethyst flared and stomped towards her, an accusatory finger held.

“OH! Uh-UH! You were the one that started this-“

“I know what I did wrong, Amethyst. And I need to make it right. I… I need to apologize. She’s mad because of me and Rose, only I can give her closure. I need to talk to her first, she’ll be better then!”

Garnet had considered this. Pearl did seem repentant, her apology could definitely be a relief to Spinel. But Pearl still had a lot to think through, a lot to realize. Her careless words and attitude could make Spinel feel like she was being swept under the rug again, and hotter emotions would blaze.

“Pearl-“

Amethyst shook her head. “Forget it! You’ll just make it worse. You never apologize to anyone right! You always make it seem like it’s THEIR fault!”

“But it’s not. Not really at least. I mean-“ Pearl stepped closer to the window and looked out. “I know the wrongs I committed but she could’ve told-“

“YOU SEE?” Amethyst followed. “YOU DON’T GET IT. YOU SUCK AT THIS. I NEED TO TALK TO HER! I’m the closest to her! She’ll listen!”

Pearl scoffed. “Listen to what, Amethyst? You don’t understand how to comfort people either! Why, last time Steven cried, you-“

“THAT’S ENOUGH.”

All of Garnet’s coolness, all of her collected thoughts gave way to the Ruby in her heart at all this chaos. She kept being cut off before she could explain, and her temper got the better of her. 

“Amethyst, you can’t talk to her first. You ARE really bad at comforting. It’s not your fault, you’re not used to it, but this is a bad time to try it out.

Pearl, you may feel sorry, but you still don’t fully grasp how hurt your actions made Spinel. Apologizing prematurely means nothing if you don’t do it sincerely. You certainly can’t go first.

Me? I’ve done this before. I can see how it will go. It won’t be nice for sure. She will definitely try to fight me off for it, but I’m ready. I have the strength to hold her down and the patience to keep talking to her. I can do this. Trust in me, you two. Spinel will be alright. We can do this, but we need to do it slowly. And it starts with this. One on one conversations where we let her talk to us. I’ll settle her down. I’ll prepare her. Then Amethyst. Then Pearl. And Steven can come in last.” She looked back at the door, hearing the tell-tale thump of Steven lifting his cheek against it. 

“No ifs, buts, or ands. This is how we’ll do it. This is full-proof. I’m sure of it. Now we’ll go back inside, and I’ll take Spinel to my room. We will switch after I’m done. She should be back tomorrow, it’s best we put Steven to bed.”

Amethyst sucked in a breath and Pearl nodded silently. They turned and opened the door.

Pearl was ready with a soft smile. “Alright Steven. Time to go to slee-“

All three stopped at the entrance to see no one inside. 

“Steven?”

Amethyst nudged the other two and pointed at the coffee table.

“Spinel?”

Gone.

They rushed to look everywhere, but it was clear they had left. 

“But- We were at the door! How did they leave???”

Amethyst glanced at the floor, and again, nudged at Pearl’s leg.

The hole Spinel had created.

Pearl and Amethyst stared down it, then up at Garnet, who gave the biggest sigh of the day.

Garnet had not foreseen this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok chumps, sorry this update didn’t continue with the plot, but I needed to clarify character motivations, particularly for Pearl. The most important part for me of this au is everyone’s relationships afterall. :, D I hope this update is still good for people! Steven’s perspective is next, as our baby boy diffuses his first emotional confrontation all by himself! <3 He’ll make us proud! As always, thank you all for reading ;w; <3 I appreciate you all!!!


	5. Oops, I did it again~ (idk the song was stuck in my head XD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final showdown. DUN DUN DUN. Will Steven successfully calm down Spinel? Will Spinel do something irredeemably hurtful? Will I be able to live the comfortable life I always dreamed of IN THIS ECONOMY? STAY TUNED, FOLKS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyooo, quick starter notes~ So uh, something to note before reading is, a reminder, this happens after the Lapis incident. I will go back to explain that maybe in the next installment, but in this one, nope :,,D Also, I MADE THE SKETCHES OF THE OUTFITS SPINEL WEARS. They can be found here!
> 
> https://dredreadsdrawing.tumblr.com/post/187694962898/some-sketches-of-the-outfits-i-explained-for-my
> 
> I had also posted a lil sketch afterwards that was meant to be included in the set of Spinel being a big lesbian mood XD I’m making some more sketches of situations from this au, but I haven’t posted em yet cuz, time reasons :,,D Anyways, hope you like this installation! IT'S LONGER~!

Steven ran. 

He didn’t know where he was going, or what to do exactly, but he had learned from his escape with Lapis that stopping was not the best option. The others would find him fast.

Going down the rocky cliffs was hard, but he managed with only a tear in his pants. He shuddered as he passed the spot they picked up Spinel’s gem from, and hurried past it. He sneaked around the base of the temple, and made a sprint to go from shadow to shadow, into the town. Getting as far as possible.

Why was he so adamant in being the one to help Spinel?

Steven’s thoughts came bursting with every hardened step. 

He knew what he was doing wasn’t the right thing… He had heard Garnet’s speech.

He knew they all felt like him in wanting to help Spinel.

But he just FELT IT. Deep in his gut. Spinel didn’t go to them for help for a reason.

And maybe this would all fail and blow up in his face, leading to town endangering chaos like Lapis taking the sea.

But unlike with her, Steven grew up knowing Spinel

And he just couldn’t see her hurting Steven or the others.

He finally stopped when he reached Funland, his feet unconsciously bringing him to Spinel’s favorite location in town. He contemplated going through the gate at night; wasn’t it, as Connie put it, illegal trespassing? He clutched Spinel’s gem close and breathed hard. 

He really didn’t know what to do, or how to get Spinel back faster.

He heard a can fall to the ground, and turned in a flurry. He dropped Spinel. Her gem scattered through the floorboards, not far from him. He looked around but saw no signs of the gems, and sighed. Still safe. He bent to pick her up, only to knock her further away with his foot. There she went, crossing the sign and going into the amusement park. Oh no.

Steven silently screamed and rushed to follow her, fumbling in the dark. Again, he tried picking her up, but his sweaty palms were having none of it, and in a move set that would’ve made Spinel giggle, he kept slipping, and sliding her, making her ricochet through multiple walls and attractions, leading up to her getting caught in between the metal bars of a giant spinning ride. Steven groaned low and facepalmed. 

Cautiously, he began climbing the metal bars, stopping to reach out, hoping that this time, he’ll be able to grasp her well enough. But Spinel’s gem ended up attracting more hijinks than her light form, and with the universe laughing at him, she shot up from his sweaty hand again to jump from carnival booth to booth, eventually crashing through an open, tiny window of one, lights immediately flashing from inside, along with the voice of a cheesy va repeating, “You’re a winner!” and sounds of a jackpot pouring out. 

Steven was so panicked. 

He rushed to the booth, jiggled the fortunately unlocked door, and opened it to see the gem had popped all the balloons, causing the win. Luckily, Spinel was safe in the embrace of a giant teddy bear, and Steven sighed.

“There MUST be an off switch around here somewhere… Maybe behind…”

He rummaged around, desperate to find it. Going behind the wooden wall, outside, he let out a cheer when he did. Flipping it, everything returned to normal and he sighed. Back to silence…. Except for that hum…. Wait- another burst of light? Steven stared at the switch still beneath his hands, but it was definitely off. That could only mean-

He slowly looked at the door he came from, relief and fear squeezing him from inside. He felt unprepared for what came next, but eager to take charge. Taking the steps, he carefully peeked inside. No sobbing… that’s good. 

“Spinel?”

A gasp.

“Spinel, it’s alright. It’s just me. We’re alone. We can tal-…k…”

Opening the door wider let the light of the moon shine the inside, and he couldn’t help but stare at Spinel’s new form.

So familiar…. But so different.

So… sad.

Her eyes were wide and her pigtails drooped. The bear she was pushing to the side, she now clung to, and her body shook. Steven had never seen her with a darker color scheme, it made her blend with the shadows. But her eyes stayed glossy, and the streaks beneath them made his heart hurt.

She chose this form?

“Oh Spinel…”

His voice. She could hear his concern and she COULDN’T BEAR to be here for the sweet talk. Voice shaking, “Steven, I’M WARNING YOU, PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I NEED SOME ALONE TIME!”

“From what I’ve heard, you’ve had a lot of alone time! Well, not anymore! You’ve got me now, Spinel. And I’m not going-“

Spinel left in a millisecond before Steven could finish.

“Anywhere…”

He had completely forgotten who he was up against.  
~~~

He ran through Funland once again, dreading the shadows and lack of light. Why did she have to be so dark now?! She was like a ninja!

“Spinel… please…. I’m done chasing you! Just… talk! It’s just words! And- maybe a hug! What’s so bad about that? You do that to everyone!”

He checked the places she had ricocheted off of and the other booths, but they were all shut tight. Feeling discouraged, he tried one last doorknob, the one to the House of Mirrors, and opened it wide. Darkness consumed it. A mysterious breeze came from within it and made him shiver, for the first time, he felt scared of being alone in the park at night. He decided Spinel was probably not in there and went to keep looking.

The next place to try was the arcade, and he was about to break in forcefully, broom in hand, when he heard humming coming from the center. He was grateful he didn’t have to add property destruction to his list of misdeeds of the night, and tiptoed towards the sound, coming face to face with the merry-go-round. There, on the seahorse, sat Spinel by herself, her head hunched over the pole as she grasped it with fervor. Steven really had his work cut out for him.

He slowly shuffled to her side, making his presence known, but not interrupting her song. When she was finally done, she turned the other way and spoke.

“Where are the others?”

“Oh. Uh. I don’t know.. probably looking for us?”

That startled Spinel and she whipped her head to face him. “What?! Steven, don’t tell me you- Did you kidnap me??”

Steven threw up his hands.

“I had to do something! I know you have a hard time talking to them about your feelings, and I thought, well. You never tried it with me. You’ve helped me help them. You showed me how to get them to listen. So why can’t I do that with you?”

“I-I don’t work that way! I’m different! The things I feel are less valuable and more silly, I’m just a to- HRM,” She coughed and pressed her lips. “An… entertainer! I wasn’t built to be complex. I just need to fix myself and-“

“Stop. Lying.” He glared at her and she flinched. “You keep saying you’re less than the others! That’s not true! We’re all the same! And we all are for you! Stop telling yourself that you don’t matter. Trust in us trusting you. Talk. To. Us.”

He stepped up and embraced Spinel’s middle, burying his face in it even as she pushed him away.

“Steven, no. It’s too much! There’s so much you don’t know-“

“You’re right. I’m little. I wasn’t there for everything. But you don’t need to explain things to me. I think that’s a big reason why you don’t want to talk to the others, because you feel like you need to bring up a lot of what happened before, but not with me, ok?”

She stopped fighting and stared down at him. He hugged her tighter.

“Just talk about your feelings. No guilt. No history. No context. I don’t need to know it all. I just want to help you here, and now. So please… tell me!”

He looked up at her, his tears showing, so much love and understanding behind them. 

“How do you feel, Spinel?”  
.  
.  
.

Spinel bawled.  
~~~

They spent a good minute crying and hugging each other, Spinel taking his words to heart. She knew he didn’t know the extent of them, but she didn’t care. It felt good. 

All her secrets, all her worries, and the history she left behind be damned.

In this moment, with this tiny human gem fusion, she felt LOVED and ACCEPTED. He soaked up her pathetic noises, but eventually had to pipe in.

“S-Spinel, could we please sit somewhere more comfortable? My legs are tired…”

“… sorry…”

They sat across from each other in a two-seater bench on the carousel, decorated with shells. Spinel felt like her crying was over, and a weight had been lifted. She wasn’t done, she knew, but she was over with her initial heartbreak. 

“You know… you didn’t really answer my question…” Steven softly probed, he reached a hand to entwine with hers and she grasped back tightly.

“I know…” She wiped her eyes and got ready for the response.

How to condense all the pain, the loneliness, and the longing? The grief, the guilt, the horror? How could she put such specific hurt into words? Taking a breath, she knew she was willing to try. 

“I feel….” 

“SHE’S HERE. I’M SURE OF IT.”

The others.

Spinel and Steven stared at the direction the voice came from, then at themselves. Spinel’s expression was so scared, Steven knew she wasn’t ready to face them yet.

Why did they have to come when he was so close?

He took her arm and ran to the only other place he knew they could hide. 

The House of Mirrors.

Safely tucked inside, he closed the door and the pitch black shadows consumed them. They held on to each other’s hand as they traversed the maze of mirrors, trying to get as far in as possible, and only stopped when they heard noises.

“Have you checked everywhere?”

“Yes! Amethyst, I can’t ask this enough, why are we wasting time here? Knowing Steven, I’m SURE they’re at that donut shop-“

“Figures how much YOU know, P. This is SPINEL’S favorite spot in town. Steven had to have brought her here. I bet they’re hiding inside something. Maybe a ride?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Amethyst. We’ve checked all the low ones, and Steven can’t possibly climb the high ones. They’re. Not. Here.”

“Pearl is right, Amethyst. We need to secure the other places we know Steven runs to when he’s scared. Maybe we should go get Greg and have him drive around town as well. Steven might be with the other teenagers again, in the streets.”

They finally started moving away from the closed attraction, animatedly planning other routes to take. Only once they finally couldn’t be heard did Steven and Spinel sigh in relief.

“It’s a good thing I have so many places to go when I panic, heh.” He tried to make a joke, but Spinel wasn’t laughing and her arms were still shaky. Steven wished he could read her expression.

“Hey… Spinel… Do you have a flashlight, by any chance?”

Spinel moved and reached a hand through her gem, rummaging through. The glow was enough for Steven to see her concentrated face, but the pink turned to orange once she pulled out an old-timey lamp. “Sorry, this is all I got, kid.” 

“It’s ok!” Steven sat more comfortably against a mirror. “It makes this place feel… cozy.” He laughed. “I can’t believe I was scared of this place before. It’s the same mirror maze I’ve solved since I was seven!” 

He looked around at the familiar edges, letting his mind wander a bit in the comforting silence. He finally turned back to Spinel with renewed vigor. “Alright. They’re gone. Where were we?”

Steven didn’t like the look in Spinel’s face.

She was staring at the mirror in front of her, her reflection distorted to make her look angrier and lankier than she was.

“Spinel?”

She got up and walked closer to the mirror, examining it, then walked the to others surrounding them. Her expression worsened with each one. 

Finally, she stopped at the one behind Steven. He turned and saw that it was normal. No stretches, no squashing, just Spinel. Staring.

At how miserable she made herself look.

Steven got up and stood beside her, ready to grab her if she bolted again. “What’s wrong?”

Spinel cracked a bitter smile.

“You know, it took 6,000 years for me to get like this.”

She touched her cheek, rubbing a thumb over her tear streaks.

“6,000 miserable, worthless years…” Her tone was raspy, but she chuckled softly. She looked so different from her original form. So tired. So degraded. 

But it fit her like a glove.

Steven didn’t like the reminiscing in her voice. He had to stop her from feeling worse. A bit too quick to jump in, he began.

“I understand! After everything you’ve been through… I’m… sure you’re in a lot of pain…. But it’ll be ok.” He again gripped her hand and smiled at her. The gesture seemed so sweet just minutes prior, but somehow, Spinel’s heart just wasn’t into it anymore. She could feel her self-doubts and self-hatred spilling over again like a wave, washing all the hope from before. She yanked her hand and stepped away from the light, hiding her face. She had to fight this. She had to stop. She couldn’t let her negativity get the better of her, not like this, not in front of Steven. 

But the silent little question from before, and the curious little thing PEarl had said floated around Spinel’s mind like an aerial attack. “Sometimes, you even sound like her…”

Is…

Is this what it felt like to be loved by Rose?

…………… “NO.”

DON’T START, BRAIN! STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! SHE’S GONE. SHE LEFT US. SHE LEFT YOU. WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A THANK YOU. WITHOUT SO MUCH AS AN APOLOGY. YOU MEANT NOTHING TO HER. AND WHY WOULD YOU? YOU WEREN’T EVEN AROUND DURING HER FINAL DAYS. SHE WAS ALWAYS HAPPIER WITHOUT YOU.

She unwittingly held back screams, growling in pain, pulling her hair again, clawing at the ground. It hurt so much. Why were emotions so much more painful that physical attacks?!

Steven immediately leapt to her side, holding her. “Spinel! Please! Tell me what’s wrong, I can help. I can understand-“

“NO, DON’T SAY IT! YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND, STEVEN. YOU’RE NOT HER. SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD CHANGE THIS, AND SHE’S GONE.”

She pushed him, hard. He tumbled to the ground, unhurt, but shocked. This is the first time she’s ever laid hands on him. But it wasn’t the first problem where his mom was brought up.

And he wasn’t going to let it keep him away.

“SPINEL-“

“YOU’RE RIGHT. HE’S NOT HER. BUT YOU’RE WRONG TOO. SHE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HELP YOU. ONLY YOU CAN.” 

Spinel and Steven turned to see the other Crystal Gems standing in the doorway. Amethyst was wide-eyed, Pearl’s hands moved to cover her mouth, and Garnet stepped up. “SPINEL, WE’RE ALL TRYING TO HELP YOU GET BETTER. BUT YOU NEED TO OPEN UP ABOUT THIS. YOU NEED TO CHANGE.”

“Change?”

Spinel laughed, but it had no traces of warmth. She slowly lifted herself, her movements casting long shadows over her audience. They all stared as she moved to the light. And the three flinched. Spinel just grit her teeth.

“Look at me. No one here has changed more than I have. The only difference is, you all have changed for the better-“ She extended her arm to point at the group, Garnet taking a step back to avoid it. “While I-“ She reverted it back to herself. “Have only changed-“ She winds up a punch. “For the WORST!” She breaks through multiple mirrors in a row, one after the other. 

Everyone is stunned. Spinel pulls back her arm. Steven steps back a bit towards the others, an action noticed by Garnet, who takes him and shoves him behind her. She again, moves for Spinel.

“You KNOW that’s not true! We’ve all had our ups and downs, but we’ve come out stronger together for it! You-“

“JUST CAN IT WON’T YA?!”

Spinel uses the same attack to punch Garnet, who blocked it, but was sent back by the force anyways. She crashed into the wall near the exit, lodged with mirror and wood.

Spinel chortles. “Oh no wait, you know what? Maybe you’re right. I’m wrong about it all. You guys haven’t changed oooone bit!” She moves towards her. “You’re still completely reliant on being a fusion. Admit it, it’s the only thing you have going for yourselves, and the only thing holding you two together! Without Rose interfering, there would’ve never been any chemistry between you two, and now you’re too addicted to stop. No self-identities left, just a bunch of checklists to keep track of. How BORING. It’s the only reason we made you leader! Without one another, you’re PATHETIC.”

Garnet groans but gets up for another round. She punches forward, Spinel dodges and wraps her arms around her waist. Using the force exuded in the punch, she swings Garnet around, crashing through multiple other mirrors until they reach the opposite corner, and Spinel lets her crash through the wall. One down.

She zips over to Amethyst. “You’re still the insecure kid you’ve always been! You pretend you don’t need anyone, but you need EVERYONE! It’s suffocating how much you cling and take things too literally sometimes!!! Every little detail, you pick up and make it about you! Boohoo, I’m a gem who’s never seen Homeworld. Boohoo, all I know is the earth but I’m an outcast to both gems and humans. We always have to dance around your little ego! YOU’RE NOT FRESH FROM THE KINDERGARTEN ANYMORE. GROW. UP.”

Amethyst’s face contorted to one full of pain. Just as quickly, it turned into anger. “OH YEAH? LOOK WHO’S TALKING YOU BIG CLOWN!” She roared as she pulled out her whip. Spinel easily yanked it away and quickly tied her up with it, hanging her from the ceiling. Now alone, she turned with a too-wide smile to the victim she loathed most.

“And YOU.” In a flash, Spinel is wrapped around Pearl, hand grasping her face tight to make sure she’s looking at Spinel’s angry eyes.

“You’re the weakest of us all. Still MOPING and CRYING over someone who NEVER LOVED YOU. Still looking for something to FILL THE SPACE of being NEEDED.” She leaned more into her ear. “But you know what, Pearl? You’ll never find it. You’re just like me, stuck without a purpose for the rest of eternity. Wake up and smell the roses, Shnookums. I’m tired of the same old tears. Be more original, brainless freethinker.”

Pearl’s face was red, and her hands shook with strain against her face, but she couldn’t speak or move for the life of her. All she could do was glare at Spinel as she swung her, hitting Amethyst, then Garnet, causing them to pile up in the corner with groans.

Spinel was a pile hilarity, laughing so hard, her body shook. This felt GREAT. She should’ve let this out YEARS AGO. Back when Rose was stil-

“SPINEL. STOP THIS.” She stops mid-giggle to look at the small boy that stepped between her and the others. Such an accusatory stance.

“They were just trying to help! Why are you hurting us?”

Spinel’s spurt of elation quickly subsided back to its crevices. Why?

“I’m so sick of being the one picking up after them. If they’re so eager to help me, they should check themselves before trying!”

Steven shook his head.

“Lying! Again! You know they’re trying to change. They’re making themselves better. It’s hard, Spinel, but they had you helping them. You did so much progress, they’re letting go and becoming happier as a whole.

Why can’t you?”

Spinel’s body chilled.

“Why are you regressing all the hard work you put into them?”

“Steven…” Pearl moaned.

Spinel looked at his face, how serious he was, how mad. Mad at her actions. What has she caused? She looked behind him at all the pain she inflicted on the others. Garnet’s face was a grimace as she pulled herself up, Pearl’s shoulders shook with anger, and Amethyst just looked… crushed.

Why was she doing this.

“I… I…”

She took a step forward, but Steven’s flinch stopped her. It was too late. She slipped away like a shadow, fleeing her problems again like the gem that had messed her up so much. 

Leaving only chaos.  
~~~

Everyone was in shambles, but the room was left the worst.

Steven dropped to the floor with a heavy breath. Garnet got up and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Get up, Steven. We’re going home.”

“WHAT??”

That shook him from his defeat.

He looked around at their faces, seeing none of the need to help Spinel left. She had cut too deep.

“Guys. You know she only said that because she’s hurt. We have to-“

“We don’t HAVE to do anything. She keeps saying she needs to be alone? FINE.” Amethyst kicked a fallen mirror hard, smashing it more. “She can STAY ALONE FOREVER for all I care. We don’t need to carry her around. She wants me to stop being a baby? She needs to stop acting like one too!” She crossed her arms tight, but the tears still flowed out. Ugh, she was SO MAD. Pearl touched her shoulder, and for once, Amethyst didn’t shrug away. She just hid her face behind her hair.

“They’re right Steven. Let her be. She’s stuck in a cycle only she can get herself out of, and she clearly refuses to do so.” Pearl sighed. “Honestly, this is all her fault. If she had just been open from the start-“

Steven’s irritation had reached its peak.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” 

At this point, the emotional tears of the night caused them all to look down, sick of the speech that was going to be handed to them. But Steven wasn’t going to give it to them. He had work to do.

“I’m not going back. I’m going to look for her. I’m going to find her. And I;m going to keep her from being alone. She was already willing. I had her almost tell me what was bothering her, but you came and spooked her back. Garnet was right. We need to do this one on one. And I’m starting it.”

He ran before any could stop him, though none tried. He was back to searching through the night. 

“Spinel? Spinel…..” He called out with little enthusiasm, but plenty determination. He was tired, the night was almost over and he hadn’t slept a wink. But he had to do this now, before the isolation made Spinel worse. Finally reaching the edge, he heard the squeaks of steel moving, and looked up the ferris wheel to see a leg pulling itself inside the top basket. Great.

“Spinel, I know you’re up there!”

No response, just a bit of movement from the basket.

He zombied over to the bottom of the ride and continued.

“C’Mon Spinel! Please get out?”

More movement, but no figure. Steven narrows his eyes and rubs them. Fine.

He jumps the bars and goes to the lowest basket, getting inside and climbing the seats and poles to get to its roof; his fears impaired by his lack of sleep, and general feelings of exhaustion at the situation.

Once on top, he cups his hands and yells louder, wanting his words to ring through her.

“Okay then! You know the drill!”

He pushes himself forward, jumping to reach the middle structure holding the wheel together, and starts climbing it. It’s hard. He’s sweating and huffing out a storm, but he continues. He reaches the end of the middle beam and is left with a big gap between him and Spinel, but he’s not turning back.

His voice is stern, he’s done with nice tones. He’s doing this one way or the other.

“I’m not going anywhere without you.”

The basket stops moving. 

Steven takes a small step back, puts all the force in his legs, and jumps as far as he can. He’s propelled forwards, getting closer and closer to the basket-

But not close enough.

Off by a lot, he’s falling straight down now, his voice almost escaping his throat, before a giant hand snatches him mid-air. 

He knew he could trust her.

She pulls him in slowly, her face unreadable. As soon as his feet touch the floor, she huddles back to her corner to watch the sun rising. No sign of it yet, just the soft pink hues barely peeking through, illuminating her own tired face. 

“That was reckless, Steven. All of it. Kidnapping me, following me. Climbing this?” She laughed softly. “You’re REALLY going to be in big trouble when you get home.”

Steven laughed as well, and sat in the seat across from her.

“I’ll be fine, as long as you’re there. I can always trust you to help me.”

He has his hand on hers again. She hums.

After a few minutes of silence, watching the crown of the sun come through, Spinel finally lets up with a groan.

“You know… I was never good enough for Rose’s time. I helped start it all, it was me, Rose and Pearl, but as we kept going, I kept being forgotten….” She fiddles with Steven’s fingers. “Kept being… left out.”

Steven uses his other hand to sandwich hers, his encouraging smile never wavering. More pathetic laughter flows out of Spinel, ended with a groan. She repeats. “I was never good enough… never good enough……”

She shakes, more tears come out. She’s a never-ending ocean it seems. 

“Now… I really fear… I may not be good at all!”

She’s smiling but it’s painful. Steven’s exasperation meter is filled. He sets her straight.

“Of course you’re good enough. You’re good enough for us.”

Hugs.

She embraces him back, buries her head in his hair. They’re so tired, but so comfortable in each other’s arms. 

“I… I’m sorry…. I don’t know why. Why did I hurt them? They were my friends…. My whole life, I just wanted to keep my friends….”

Steven leans into her more, can’t help almost slipping into unconsciousness under all the comfort. “They’re… still your friends… just need… apolo.. gize..” And off to dream he goes, leaving one lone Spinel to see the sun get up from the sea in full.

She cradles him for a bit. She’s so ashamed and proud. Mostly ashamed. She’s a full grown gem and this is a human child, look at how much he strained himself for her!

She makes a pathetic noise and looks down at herself, not feeling good at all. She really was just a good for nothing. Just a piece of trash. Not worth anyone’s love. Or time. Or-

“No, Spinel, you stop this right now.” She murmured to herself. It was those terrible, corrosive thoughts that made this huge mess. She did need some alone time. Alone time spent RIGHT.

She got up, still carrying Steven, with new resolve. She needed to leave. Explore herself further. Heal her own fractured self esteem. She had to change.

She carried Steven back down, swiping a paper and pen from a prize booth to scribble something quickly before sneaking to the Temple. She had no guts to see the gems. She softly placed him on the porch, tucked the note under his shirt, and fit herself to hide behind a crack to the side of the stone, waiting for the gems to notice. After a while, they open the door, and surprised voices are heard. 

“Steven’s back? But he’s asleep…”

“Do you think he sleepwalked? It’d be cool if he could do that. Then I’d get to take him places even at night!”

“Clearly, Spinel left him here. But… where is she?” 

There was a long pause used for looking around, before they came to the conclusion. 

“She’s gone.”

Another long pause to reflect, before they softly move to pick up Steven, and the rustle of the note is heard.

“Need to work on myself before coming back to you. I’m very sorry for what I’ve done and said. I love you all. Please don’t worry, I’ll be ok.”

More silence.

Garnet is the first to break it. “You heard her. She’ll be back, and she’ll be fine. No need to worry.”

Pearl is flustered(?) “Worried? Who’s worried? She’s the best fighter out of all of us, of course she’ll be fine.”

Amethyst tries to shrug it off. “I’m just sad I have to wait for a personal apology. I’m gonna make her grovel at my feet!”

“Amethyst!”

The two pairs of feet are heard shuffling back inside, but the biggest set are still loitering in the porch. They walk to the rails, and stop. 

“We’ll be waiting, Spinel. We love you too. Good luck.”

And back they go.

Spinel melts out of the crack like ink. She missed them already. But she wiped her face and resolved her stance. This was for the benefit of everyone.

Spinel’s heart heavy and her spirits filled with a renewed sense of duty, she sets off to her own personal journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, short notes today, I AM FLOORED. I had to do a lot of cross-referencing and checking for this baby. It’s soooo much loooonger and took more hoooouuuurs, daaays even. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. To leave a bit of explanation on why Spinel acts like she does, I kept in my memory how Spinel is… a toxic person. She doesn’t want help, she wants to just keep wallowing in her misery, and finds it easier to brings others down with her than to pull herself out. It’s become a part of her identity. We don’t want her to stay like this. She needs to help herself out of this funk! So off she goes, the ol’ Spinel rider~
> 
> I don’t wanna spill my guts out on these add-on tidbits, but do you guys mind me bringing up life-updates to my blog/end notes? :,,D I’ll hold back my whining. Just thought it might help people know where I’m at in terms of serving the next chapter if they know what’s up with my days. Also, I’m making a playlist for this au. Interested in me sharing it? :,,D
> 
> Anyways, THANKS, AS ALWAYS, I ADOREEE YOU GUYS!!!! <3 <3 <3 It’s so comforting for me to see the same faces >w< And for people who reach out!! Ooof! Not to mention the wonderful fan art given to me by randirollz in tumblr!!! Check it out!  
https://randirollz.tumblr.com/post/187719828564/crystal-gem-spinel-au-part-4
> 
> Also, to anyone asking me if it’s ok to make their own au branching off from mine, YES!!! No need to ask for permission! An au is as malleable as canon in my opinion, we can all branch off and make our own taking elements we like from the original! I wish you all luck and happiness in creating your own scenarios and universes! Share the Spinel spotlight <3 <3 <3 PEACE~!


	6. I need YOU to help me come up with a Ship name! (plz)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answers on what happens on some episodes people requested to know about, and a whole lot more history revealed between Spinel, PEarl and Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m taking a break from the main storyline and going back to bullet points and scattered ideas for episodes I skipped to get to Spinel’s breakdown. These are two that people asked me about. XDDD

\- Lapis’s episodes. Before delving into the episodes, Imma smack a headcannon down for why the gems reacted like they didn’t realize Lapis was an actual gem trapped. While iffy in logic, I’m choosing to go with, placing gems in objects was something new that was being done during the war as a form of interrogation against the rebellion. The Crystal Gems never found out about it, and truly believed the mirror to just be a mirror with a gem-like decoration (idk guys, I’m trying to make sense of the situation. How else could they have in good conscience kept Lapis in there for so long if they knew? Why were they so surprised she started speaking? I don’t like Pearl’s “How could I have known the gem would be so powerful?” line it just seems so out of character for them to be this cruel.) Anyways, with this explanation cleared, moving on~ Hrn… I used to think that Steven comforting Spinel would be his first solo empathetic mission, but I was wrong. I’m thinking Lapis was… So, everything in Mirror Gem stays the same. Spinel wasn’t there when he was given the mirror, but she’s in the living room to witness the horror. Then they go to find Steven, see Lapis, end episode. Unlike the others, instead of wanting to contain Lapis immediately, Spinel is feeling immense guilt at having had a gem trapped for so long right under their noses. She’s quiet and concerned in every scene. In Ocean Gem, they go to find Lapis. Spinel is in the passenger seat as Pearl drives at night. She fumbles with Pearl to explain to Steven how they’ve been fighting gems, but Amethyst cuts in and blatantly tells him. Spinel facepalms. Pearl takes the lead in explaining corruption, then they find the waterfall. Steven steps up in trying to calm Lapis but it isn’t working. The Crystal Gems are readying their battle stances. Spinel hates this. She steps up next to Steven and tries to tell Lapis they can work things out, but she’s interrupted immediately by a copy of herself hitting her, along with Lapis yelling, “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME.” starting the fight. When Greg gets hurt and Steven steps up, Spinel is as shocked as everyone. When he tells Lapis he’s going up, Spinel tries to go up with him, but the water gets shaky (to show Lapis’s refusal) and Steven grabs Spinel’s hand. “I’ve got this.” He smiles. He walks in and leaves her behind, with a lot of worry and a new concern blooming. Is she no good at helping gems other than the three she’s used to? Oof, I can actually see this as being a straw to the camel’s back in her thoughts of not being good enough. Steven helps Lapis and gets his first taste of being a good empathizer/peace-maker. Spinel is just barely gonna start to feel like she’s losing her touch. Oof Oof OOF this is actually making me rethink writing a new element into her breakdown. She feels like she is going to be replaced by Steven eventually. How could I rewrite this into the confrontation? Shoot, I’ll have to look into that later. All I know is, by the end of her breakdown, when it’s resolved, her last message to Steven in her note before she leaves will be to “Take care of them” as she comes to terms with him growing up and being helpful.

\- The Return-Jailbreak. Jasper comes down and inspects the Crystal Gems. She comments on them all, when she gets to Spinel, calling her, “A clown that lost its laugh.” She considers fighting them if only to see how good Spinel really was in combat, even praising her for it, but decides on her own that it’s a waste of time and not what she had wanted. So, she orders the lazer strike. Then comes the shield and she orders the barrage. The group is split when the hand lazers the sand, Spinel jumping on top of Steven to protect him. Jasper gets closer and Garnet fights her like before. Jasper destabilizes her, and there’s shock. Spinel’s only concern is to keep Steven safe, so as soon as Jasper steps towards them, she turns to stretch him as far as possible, but doesn’t get far enough before the destabilizer reaches her. Jasper taunts how she was looking forward to a fight with her, but Rose is what she wants. The other two left jump to defend Steven, but Jasper easily strikes them down and gets to him. Same thing. Nothing much changes in Jailbreak, Spinel can’t fight Jasper as she’s put next to Amethyst and Pearl. The end? (nothing would really change. We need the important plotpoints that come from this to stay unchanged. Garnet gets her moment to shine, and Lapis fuses with Jasper)  
~~~~~~~~~  
Spinel/Pearl moments along with some Spinel and Pink relationship exploration. Speaking of, should this ship have a ship name? Spearl? Pearnel? Lol. Idk  
\- Spinel met Pearl on her first day out of the garden. She couldn’t help but stare as the polite and pale gem introduced herself, her eyes staying on Pink, who was in a call with the diamonds.  
Spinel beamed and introduced herself in her cartoony way, bowing deeply and saying in an over-the top voice, “A PLEASURE, MISS PEARL~ I am oh- so so so SO overjoyed to be getting a new friend! And SUCH A PRETTY ONE!” She surrounds her immediately, inspecting her. 

“WOOOOOOW, so nice! And such soft materials too!” She touches her dress with an ‘Oooo’. Pearl stops her hand, her tone robotic and eyes still on Pink. 

“Please refrain from dirtying me.” 

“Ah! Sorry!” Spinel makes a show out of wiping her hands on her shorts, but continues trying to talk to Pearl, who stays unresponsive to every word. 

Finally, Pink is done talking to them, and goes to look at her new base excitedly. Every few feet, she would stop to ask Pearl what things are, and she’d reply, stopping Spinel’s chatter enough times so that she’d start paying attention to the base as a whole, and as excitedly as Pink, run and jump around. While Pink had been moving carefully before, seeing Spinel having fun running, she follows suit and they excitedly inspect every nook and cranny, even jumping/stretching up high to the ceilings to point at the carvings and laugh at how silly it made the diamonds look. 

They start making stories about the stuff they could do with a colony, what types of gems Pink could make, when Pink stops to ask Pearl her input. She stands tall and informs her diamond that Quartz soldiers can be made with the minerals in Earth. A boring answer, but useful. Spinel jumps in with crazy ideas on how to make the gems look, each wilder than the other, making Pink giggle and reply back excitedly, at this point, creating gems that looked more like worms than anything. 

Pearl continues to smile. 

Days go by and all three have been stuck in the base for much longer than Pink had wanted. Spinel finally gets reactions out of Pearl, but they are just her telling her the consequences of her silly ideas/actions with a smile. Pink still laughs, though, so that’s what’s important. Finally, it’s time for Pink to check on the yet-to-hatch Kindergarten, allowed by the other diamonds to go and get a report. She can bring her Pearl but not Spinel, as it’s a business trip. Spinel doesn’t mind, they’ll be back soon. 

Finally, they get to see just a glimpse of the Kindergarten from a platform built above it. Pink tries to be professional but fails and keeps talking to Pearl excitedly, but Pearl’s responses don’t match the mood. Pink asks the Peridot in charge of collecting data when they’ll go down and check on the Amethysts. Peridot is confused and tells her they were not going down at all. The diamonds forbade it. Pink is surprised, sighs, and touches the glass. 

OF course they did. 

Pearl can only watch. After the report is collected, they head to the warp, and Pearl attempts for the first time to try to cheer Pink up. 

“Don’t worry my diamond. The Amethysts will surely come out strong and well-made. The peridot assigned to them is the best at her field!” 

Pink just groans and steps into the warp. Once back at the base, they’re surprised by streamers, falling flower petals, and the sound of a horn. Spinel had planned a surprise welcome back party! Pink can’t help smiling at the effort put in, and lets Spinel cheerfully ask her questions, hear out her complaint about being kept in a building, and comfort her by telling her it’s only their first visit. There will surely be more! Pink is laughing again as Spinel makes a shadow puppet show about the wormy amethysts that would come out of the ground and terrify Blue Diamond. 

Pearl’s smile is gone.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- They wait for longer now, weeks. Spinel is running out of ideas on stuff they can play to keep Pink entertained, Pink growing more and more frustrated. They tried hide and seek, they tried exploring the moon, they even tried to impersonate Yellow Diamond to get their worm gem idea to become a reality, but everything failed. Pink was tired of the same old things. 

All the while, Pearl had been with them every step of the way, jumping in with facts and statistics, but always failing to read the mood. Spinel would be the one to respond to them mostly, taking them earnestly as suggestions to work through.

“Look my diamond! IF we get on this slab, we can slide down this crater! Let’s race!”

“I predict the slab will erode halfway through the crater! My diamond, this will likely result in you getting hurt! I CANNOT recommend doing this!”

“Don’t worry Pearl! We can just keep another slab in our gems and pull them out when the slab is gone! Here, you can ride with me!”

(this ended with all three in a pile on the bottom of the crater, Spinel at the bottom having pulled Pearl on top of her, Pink jumping on both when her slab failed. Spinel and Pink laughed; Pearl screamed internally.)  
~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Finally, the scene where the idea of visiting the Kindergarten happens. 

“Ugh, did you imagine it’d be THIS DULL to run a colony?” 

Pearl jumps in first. “I could imagine it! If you want me to!”

Spinel sits on the arm of Pink’s chair, legs swinging. “I would much rather imagine what it’d look like if we switched hairstyles. Although yours and Pearl’s are preeetty similar…”

Pink sighs dejectedly and asks for the status of the Prime Kindergarten. Pearl tells them the first Quartz soldiers are emerging soon, and they excitedly go to the show room to see for themselves. Pink and Spinel are amazed to see Amethysts emerging, but Pink pouts over not being able to BE there. Spinel pats her shoulder in sympathy. 

Pearl steps up. “We could warp there right now my diamond!” 

“What? No! I would NEVER hear the end of it from Blue and Yellow! Oh… but could you imagine…. Me? Playing with the Amethysts?” 

“Of course I can, my diamond!” Pearl forms the image of Pink and the gems. 

Spinel gasps. “Woah! … You look so happy…” 

Pink isn’t convinced. “I won’t be happy when Blue and Yellow find out…” 

Pearl reassures her. “They won’t find out.” 

“Why is that?” 

“Beeecause… you changed your shape for a day! You look just like a quartz!” 

Both Pink and Spinel rush at her, voices and expressions blown, “THAT’S BRILLIANT, PEARL!” 

Pearl is surprised out of her projection, looking up to see Pink change shape. She’s giggling with Spinel, Spinel admiring the new shape. “WOAH, what a cool design, Pearl! It fits Pink to a tee~!” She measures the both of them together, not believing how much smaller Pink’s made herself. 

“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it! I’m going out there! FINALLY!” Pearl laughs nervously and responds, “Happy to help, my diamond.” Pink rushes up to the warp, and bounces happily as she waits for Pearl step in. Once they’re both up, she notices Spinel still standing in the same place. 

“What are you doing down there? Come up!” 

“My diamond, if you truly want to go with this plan, I suggest only us going. Spinel is a very rare gem and having her walk around with us could draw attention.” 

“Oh…” Pink looks down at Spinel, who simply waves. 

“It’s alright! I can make another surprise party for when you come back! Oops! I mean I WON’T be planning a surprise party~!” Pink laughs. 

“Alright then. I’ll be back!” And she warped with Pearl, the trip with just the two of them being their first bonding experience together, alone. Pearl’s pride is through the roof, and Pink begins listening to Pearl’s suggestions more.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Spinel hears everything about Earth, and is happy for Pink. She reassures her every time she tries to tell the Diamonds about stopping the colonization that they will find a way to save it. But every attempt to get them to see reason fails, and finally, Rose is born. 

They plan things out together. Their names will be the “Crystal Gems”, and the star shape will be their symbol. Rose and Pearl create their new forms, but Spinel waits from the side and asks nervously, “Am.. I a part of this? Should I make a form?” 

Rose’s eyes glimmer. “OF COURSE you’re a part of this! The more help the better!” 

“But my diamond, Spinel’s rarity-“ 

“She could reform as well, into something more unrecognizable. Like…. Flipping her gem! Try it Spinel!” 

Spinel creates her first, new form, with her buns loose, turned gem, and a skirt to match Rose’s. They head to earth to establish places they can group up, and for the first time, Spinel gets to experience the things she’s only heard Pink talk about. 

The sun, the wind, the animals, the PLANTS. She’s enamored, but Rose and Pearl keep stopping her as she tries to explore, reminding her they’re there on serious business. Spinel stops and does what she’s told.  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
\- They train with swords for their first fight. Spinel is bad at using them, her movements more circular and wonky. Pearl is a natural. Rose and Spinel are very impressed at how good she is, praises ensue and Pearl beams at Rose’s attention. She hesitantly gives Spinel advice when she sees just how bad and unbalanced she is. Spinel tries harder with her help but is still no good.

“Nonono, look, you just JAB at the opponent. No swinging necessary! A simply, quick stab at their soft spot and it’s over! Where are you getting these swerves from?” Pearl is exasperated, after trying to teach Spinel for hours. Spinel can only sigh in defeat apologetically.

“I’m sorry Pearl, I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe I should just hang back… I’m not good enough for this.”

Pearl shook her head. Her patience with Spinel was gone. “What nonsense! You’re already here! Ugh, Spinel, Rose is going to need all the help she can get. And even with movements as uncoordinated as yours, a third person to help pick us up when we’re in danger is a BIG statistical advantage. There’s no getting out of this. Honestly, ‘Maybe I should hang back’, the option for that has been long gone! You’re a part of this, whether you like it or not!”

Pearl keeps muttering to herself as she tries to show the next set of moves, but Spinel’s attention is only caught in her words. She’s a part of this now. Pearl turns and asks Spinel to repeat the movements, but Spinel is still only looking at her. Pearl is out of her mind with impatience. 

“Oh for Pink’s sakes- Where you paying attention? SPINEL- I- What?” Spinel is hugging her now. Pearl doesn’t know what to do. She just stands there for a long time, until Spinel finally lets her go with a smile.

“Thanks for teaching me, Pearl. I’m ready to learn more!”

Pearl continues to stare at Spinel with questioning eyes but resumes her lesson. 

Spinel thinks to herself how lucky she is to have friends as nice as Pink and Pearl. She can let no harm come to them! She sucks up her doubts, she can’t have them anymore. She will play the game, and she will win with her friends!

But, the graceful and direct body movement she needs is just not programmed in her. She feels like she’s failing the other two, but she swallows up her negative emotions for the upcoming battles. They fight their first few surprise attacks, Spinel not doing as well as the others, until their third attack, when Spinel one shots everyone with her stretchy powers. After this, Rose is all over Spinel with compliments instead of Pearl, making Pearl’s jealousy rank up. Spinel is just proud that she could FINALLY be of service, though she notices Pearl’s attitude a bit.

“Hey Pearl, could you teach me to dual wield? It may be useful if I could combine it with-“

“Oh, go teach yourself Spinel! You’re already so good at combat, I’m sure you can find a better way to do what you’re thinking!”

“Aw gee, Pearl. You… You really think so? Well, if you believe in me, I have to try it! Thanks Pearl! Oh- Let’s practice together after I come up with something! You’re my best sparring partner!”

“Ugh.”

They do end up sparring later, and Spinel’s new technique manages to beat Pearl for the first time. Spinel is overjoyed, Rose is amazed, and Pearl takes this as a challenge she needs to correct. They keep sparring as time goes on, rematch after rematch.  
~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Garnet occurs, and the three tried to form a fusion. Pearl is still mad that Spinel interfered.  
“What’s wrong, Pearl? Don’tcha wanna ask Garnet questions too?”

Spinel found Pearl away from their camp, her back to a tree and her legs pulled up. She glared at Spinel.

“Why did you HAVE to interfere? I could’ve fused with Rose… Garnet said that all it took was a strong emotional connection! I have that with her! I’m sure if you would’ve just stayed away…”

Spinel furrowed her brow.

“But don’t I have a strong emotional connection to you guys too? Why wouldn’t it work then? Unless… it can only happen between two gems..? But then, same type gems can keep fusing to make bigger versions! Wouldn’t-“

“THAT’S NOT WHAT MATTERS.” Pearl shouted. Spinel stopped and stared at Pearl, who was blushing now, and looked away. Pearl continued. “I wanted to fuse with Rose. And I’ll try it again. This time, STAY OUT OF IT. The connection we have is between HER and ME. It has NOTHING to do with YOU.”

Pearl got up and walked away, leaving Spinel on her own.

She thought things through, and ended up clutching her chest. It was hurting, but she didn’t know why. Maybe because she hurt her friend without thinking? 

But… Pearl WAS right… their connection as a group wasn’t everything… there was their connections as pairs that helped tighten their bonds! That’s how Spinel chose to take those words. If Pearl didn’t want her to interfere, she wouldn’t. She’ll just wait to be asked to fuse, once the other two get the hang of it!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- The first casualty. Spinel is an emotional wreck, even just THINKING about going to the battlefield scares her to the point of tears. But as she contemplates telling Rose about it, she overhears her and Pearl talking about her. 

“Spinel’s been such a help in keeping us motivated… And her prowess in battle! Everyone feels so safe around her!” 

Pearl’s tone was huffy, but she agreed. “Yes well, she HAS been benefiting us quite a lot. Especially after…. The incident….” 

Rose and Pearl grew quiet, but Pearl spoke up. “Don’t worry, Rose. Remember, Spinel said it happened because of an accident. I’m sure that we can avoid further incidents with enough training!” Rose takes a deep breath but agrees with Pearl. 

“As long as Spinel is still smiling, I’m sure everyone will feel fine. They really depend on her.” 

Spinel stepped back, a whole lot more on her mind. She knew her role was to be the motivator, but was she really THAT important? Looking around at her friends, and how sad their expressions looked when they were alone, she realized her worth as a distraction. She had to keep fighting beside them. She had to save them all, not just on the field, but from their thoughts at camp. She stepped up to her role with passion, picking up the unhealthy habit of keeping her sadness to herself. She didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Pearl gets poofed trying to save Rose. Spinel is barely able to save her gem. She’s shaky and droopy and filled with worry as she waits for her to reform, sticking to her side in their reformation cave. The others come by to visit her, surprised she’s sticking with Pearl for so long. When she asks them why it’s surprising, they give the same replies. 

“You two just…. Never seemed that close?” 

“I more expected to see Rose in here… where is she?” 

“Why worry so much? Pearl will be fine. We should go check out Biggs instead!” 

Spinel replies mechanically. 

“Of course we’re close, silly! We’ve been together the longest! Best friends for life~” 

“Rose is busy! She has to plan the next raid, and especially now without Pearl, she’s got a lot more to do!” 

“I… can’t. I want to stay here. I’m being silly, but I really miss Pearl, you know? Have fun!” 

While she waits, Spinel is flooded with reliving the shattering she witnessed that broke her, haunted by her imagination replacing her friend with Pearl instead. She was more shaken than she let up. Once Pearl’s back, Spinel hugs her tightly and doesn’t plan on letting go, but Pearl only pushes her away to look for Rose, telling Spinel she’s overreacting. Spinel tries to protest a bit, but Pearl easily shuts her down. Pearl signed up because of Rose, and she would die defending her. It’s her duty, as much as Spinel’s is to protect everyone. It’s what Rose needed from them. Spinel is left behind in the cave as Pearl rushes to help Rose’s plans, feeling for the first time like she’s just a tool.

Afterwards, however, Spinel keeps an eye out for Pearl particularly in the battlefield. Afterall, she is a part of the umbrella that is ‘everyone.’  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Rose and Pearl fuse for the first time, and it’s glorious. Rainbow Quartz is BIG and GORGEOUS, formed in the midst of battle and dealing blows like crazy. After their victory, everyone rushes them in congratulations, Spinel included. Rose and Pearl unfuse, and celebrate together with cheers. 

Spinel is excited for all the possibilities fusion is bringing to their camp. She can’t wait to try it with her friends first! As her best friends, they should have the honor, of course! Time goes on, and while Spinel gets unexpectedly asked a few times, she stays firm. Rose might one day need her, and it would be a blast! Or even Pearl… Spinel feels herself flush a bit in excitement, imagining how cool it’d be to be half as elegant as Pearl. 

She bounced around, ecstatic for the day to come. Watching as they begin fusing with other gems. But she stayed adamant, they would be her first! Still time passed. She’s getting antsy, and Garnet is getting tired of answering her questions on what it’s like. She stops Pearl finally, and shyly tries to ask her. 

“So uh… I know this is… pretty dumb and.. I’m sorry for even bringing this up,” She laughs nervously. “But… uh.. remember that talk we had way back? When we first saw Garnet and… tried to fuse..?” Spinel pauses a bit, Pearl is furrowing her brow. Spinel continues. 

“Would it be ok if I could jump in now? Y-You two have your connection! Just like you have one with everyone else you’ve fused with! But I-“ She stops again, gulping up her courage. “I have it too! With you two! And! I’d really like it if one of you could… be my first fusion experience…”

Pearl is staring at Spinel, she hadn’t expected such a bold question. It’s irritating to see her so… hopeful. Pearl stifled a sound of distaste. Spinel fuse with her? Never. But with Rose? Pink forbid it! Still…. The only way she was going to drop it was with action. She supposed she’s done enough sacrifices for Rose to warrant another one.

With a groan, Pearl extended her hand and looked around. No onlookers. “Fine. Let’s try it. But only for a SECOND. And then you NEVER speak of this again, or even DARE bother Rose about this!”

Spinel is so happy she could cry, but she zips her mouth in agreement, and bounces closer to her, holding her hand. They dance a bit of a waltz, Spinel trying her hardest to not mess up, and she swings Pearl away, then back to her, the turn back making them glow… and mesh… and form… 

Something. What were they? So many question, so little time! The new fusion touched face, feeling her sharp nose and smaller pigtails. Ew. Pigtails. Wait. Ew? Why did she feel so… wrong…? She got up and walked around, trying to focus on moving, but her thoughts were too much. Why was she so clumsy now? Why couldn’t she be better composed? And her outfit, ugh. Look at this material! Gloves? This skirt? Flimsy. The fusion hugged herself, the sudden need to cry overtaking her. Why did she feel so wrong? In her confused steps, she yelps as she feels the sudden rush of water. She’s stepped into the sea? She looks down at her reflection, taking in all her details. All her imperfections. Wow. 

She was hideous.

Pop!

Spinel and Pearl fall into the water, the waves crashing down on them. They yell, but get washed up to shore, where they cough and bend over the sand. Was fusion always that… horrible? But Garnet said-!

“Never. Ask me… to do that with you again.” Pearl told Spinel through her coughs. Spinel wants to cry, but nods instead. She waits in the sand as Pearl gets up, dusts herself off, and goes back to their new camp. Spinel stays sitting there for the rest of the night, wondering why her first fusion was such a failure.

And why the things it hated about itself were closely related to her.

After this, she continues to refuse all offers to fuse with others. She’s too afraid of feeling that self- hatred again.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Spinel is told by Rose that she’s been killed off to the diamonds. Spinel has been thinking things through a lot more since, and came to the realization on her own that Rose considers her input to mean nothing, even as she preaches that everyone’s thoughts matter. She also realizes why Pearl always pushes her aside. She talks it out with Garnet.

“I just…. I’m left out so much… By both of them! I’ve followed Rose since I can remember. And Pearl too. We were such a good team… we had so much fun together… But it turns out it was all a lie?! I was never important to Rose! I gave her my life, my purpose, EVERYTHING! And I’m being treated like this? A tool…. I mean….” She sighs. “I knew… I always KNEW that’s what I was but… boy what a reminder….” She hides her face but moves on. 

“And Pearl…” Spinel sobs harder. “Pearl hates me, Garnet! She hates me! I can’t believe I kept thinking she was just looking out for me. Being nice in her own way. But she was always just trying to push me away!”

Garnet pats her back as she sobs a bit longer, then wipes her tears and continues. “What’s wrong with me, Garnet? Why can’t I be Pearl’s friend? What’s kept her from liking me? What am I doing wrong?!”

Garnet shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Spinel! Why would you think there is? Pearl is just… particular. It takes a lot to be friends with her…”

“Bismuth is her friend. Crazy legs. Snowflake too! She laughs with them… she cares about them… but when I talk to her, it’s all she can do not to roll her eyes. What’s wrong with me…”

Garnet sighed. She can’t fix this problem. “Well, what does it matter anyways that she doesn’t want to be friends with you? Why do you want to be friends with her? When she treats you like that? “

Spinel keeps sniffling for a bit, thinking it out. She comes to a conclusion.

“Because. She’s just so……..  
Amazing.  
She’s smart. Garnet, I think she’s the smartest gem I know! She comes up with most of these plans, you know that? She came up with the idea to flank the Jaspers in the battle in the Strawberry Field, the victory was all hers! And she’s so good at fighting… And so graceful! She never falls or slips or misses a step! She’s beautiful with a sword- But dangerous! It’s unreal… like a dance with a weapon! And her kindness… Even with people like me, whom she hates…. She cares. She taught me to sword fight even when I sucked. Even when I kept getting on her nerves, she would continue pushing me so that I wouldn’t be hurt or get them hurt. She’s so finicky but it’s for a reason!  
And… and when she’s wrong about something, she gets all pouty for a while but…” Spinel smiles. “She comes to apologize later with the biggest blue blush… And it’s so cute! And when she’s being praised, she’ll act all confident, but when no one is looking, she totally geeks out, especially when it’s Rose… and oh- Garnet! When she looks at Rose, she has such pretty expressions…. Such a nice smile… AND HER SINGING, GARNET, I NEARLY DIED WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT! Such a lovely voice!!! She was made to be so… pleasing. How can someone just NOT like her??? She’s so… nice. Amazing. Cool. Amazing. Wonderful…”  
Spinel is in a daze, smiling like a goon, hands framing her face, but they soon tighten around her cheeks as she chokes up, tears returning full swing. 

“And….. she… the most…. BEAUTIFUL gem…. doesn’t…. like me…. Garnet…” Spinel turns to look at her, eyes the biggest she’s ever seen. “I’m a failure.”

She continues to cry and Garnet continues to hold her. Garnet knows what the problem really is, but keeps it to herself. There’s nothing she could do without being intrusive; this is a problem between them and the love Spinel feels. She wonders how this will all resolve itself and hopes it’s done soon.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Spinel avoids Pearl a lot now. Pearl notices, but doesn’t know what to make of it. She was so used to Spinel running up to her after every mission, draping herself all over, picking her up and twirling her, being the BIGGEST nuisance while she meticulously organized the supplies. Pearl wondered what had changed.

Coming out of Bismuth’s cave after a productive day of inspecting the new weapons, Pearl noticed Spinel sitting with the newest recruits, juggling their weapons while balancing on a helmet, making them laugh. She dropped a weapon and slipped comedically, making everyone roar, herself included. Pearl huffed at the time being wasted and turned to move to Rose’s tent again. Two steps in, she hears her familiar voice yell out her name.

“Pearl? Oh- Pearl! Wait up!”

Pearl stifles a know-it-all smile as she pauses. Here it was again, Spinel would rush her with a hug and ask her what she did that day and-

Spinel stopped a few feet away from her, stretching her arm to hand a piece of equipment over to Pearl. 

“Red told me to give this to you. Not sure what it’s for though…” Spinel is smiling at her, but it’s not reaching her eyes like it used to. Pearl is at a loss for words, but she takes the equipment anyways.

“Thank you..”

Spinel gives her a small salute. “No prob. Well.. see ya!” She moves away quickly, as if Pearl had some human disease. How ridiculous! What was her problem? Pearl huffed and placed the equipment inside her gem, deciding to never give this another thought again. If Spinel wanted to act like this, it was HER problem! This was better for her anyways! She stomped away, trying to regain her composure for her meeting with Rose, but fails. For the rest of the day, she has a huffy attitude, and can’t forget that dumb, obviously fake smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Pink fakes her shattering. Everyone is buzzing about it, the rebels not knowing how to take this sudden surprise attack. Most cheer for their leader’s courage and determination, others fear the retaliation. Spinel should be over feeling so surprised at being kept out of big events like this, but nevertheless she’s…

Floored.

She hides it well as she plans a party in celebration, commencing the festivities that night. Everyone is having the best time after all those years of being scared, this one event feeling like the biggest step in finally winning this war. Spinel finds herself wishing Bismuth was here to celebrate as well. She wished everyone lost was here. She slinks to the shadows to mourn. 

After walking a while, she finds Pearl alone, sitting on a tree branch, looking at the festivities from afar. She doesn’t look good. It concerns Spinel greatly. Despite her mind reminding her she’s not welcome, her heart makes her walk towards the tree, knocking on the trunk to make her presence known.

“Knock knock. Anyone home?”

Pearl doesn’t huff in annoyance like she usually does. She just stays quietly looking at the party, ignoring Spinel. Spinel tries one more time. “You know, I’m pretty pooped from planning all day. Any room for one more on that branch?”

No answer again. Spinel sighs. She backs away and turns to move, but is stopped by the sound of shuffling from above. Pearl scooched and pat the spot next to her. Spinel’s eyes widened, and she very slowly and cautiously stretched to fit the spot.

Once sitting comfortably, she stares out with Pearl in silence, not knowing what to do now. She’d never gotten this far… Spinel’s nerves are catching up to her, making her stomach form twists and knots. What was she thinking? That she could magically help Pearl? Pearl hates her! All she’d do is make it worse! But she can’t just leave now, i-it’d be rude! Augh, her and her big mouth! Now what??

Spinel’s freak out was becoming visible, as her tiny trembles began shaking leaves from the branch. Pearl looked at her, then looked back at the party, and for once, she decided to try to speak.

“I… ”

Her hands moved to her mouth, blocking her words. Pearl’s expression changed from sorrowful to shock, her words became sounds, and she tried to get her hands away from her face. Spinel watched, dumbfounded on what was happening. “Pearl? Pearl! What’s-?” Pearl fell from the branch in her flurried movements, almost reaching the floor, but caught by Spinel. Spinel lets her down softly, and follows her. Pearl is crying now. Her hands still have yet to leave her mouth. Spinel has no idea on what to do.

“Pearl? Pearl…” She hugs her, Pearl’s sobbing breaking her heart. She has no idea what’s making her like this. She has no idea how to help. But she keeps holding Pearl until her crying stops, and her hands finally move away from her lips. She speaks again, and her voice breaks. 

“Spinel…” 

“Yes Pearl?” She moves out of the hug to look at her, Pearl looking haggard. She shakes her head. “I- I can’t. I can’t say anything. I can’t tell. I-“ Her hands start moving again to her mouth, but Spinel catches them in time, changing the direction of the conversation.

“Then don’t tell me. I don’t need to know.” Pearl’s eyes widen, tears flowing out again. She’s never seen Spinel so serious. Spinel continues.

“Pearl… I don’t know what’s hurting you, but I think I have an idea. And it’s not your responsibility to tell me. I’ll go to Rose myself for that.” Spinel’s finally getting her confidence back, Pearl’s breakdown solidifying her heart, making her realize for the first time how Rose’s decisions can hurt even Pearl. That just isn’t right. Her hardened eyes grow soft again, taking in Pearl who still sits quietly, looking at the ground now. She takes her in for another hug, more tender than before. “It’ll be alright not, Pearl. We’re here. We’re alive. Rose is with us, and we’re WINNING. Everything will turn out okay.”

Pearl hugs back, another first. It’s the sweetest and most heartbreaking thing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Pearl avoids Spinel after that encounter. Spinel understands. She caught her at a vulnerable moment, that was all. Her feelings towards Spinel haven’t changed. Still, Spinel had a bone to pick with Rose, and she finally got her on her own. 

“Rose, we need to talk.”

“Oh, Spinel! You’re here! Good, I needed to talk to you as well about this next batch of recruits. Now that we’re winning, we’ve gotten so many more, and it’s hard to-“

“No. We need to talk about something else.”

Rose’s smile drops, and she looks at Spinel quizzically. She had never heard her use that tone before. What was wrong?

“Is.. everything ok? What’s wrong?”

Spinel stares at Rose for a while, her determination was obsolete just a second ago, but having Rose’s attention solely on her was so… intimidating. It’s been so long since Rose really LOOKED at her. She takes a shaky breath and talks.

“Why did you do it? Why did you… shatter yourself?”  
Rose’s eyes widened at the boldness, and she looked around quickly to make sure no one was near. They were all alone in a cave near the sea. Rose sighed.

“I was sick of it. It’s so tiring to keep switching from role to role! And this,” She moves her hand to motion herself. “Is who I really am. Who I’ve always wanted to be. Now, FINALLY… I’m free.” She’s smiling, beaming, so proud of how far she’s come. IT seemed like such a logical answer. It should be fine, right? But…

“What happened with Pearl? Why… can’t she talk to me about it?”

Rose’s bright expression stops. She’s confused. “Nothing’s happened to Pearl. I haven’t done anything.”

Spinel shakes her head. “No, something DID happen! She can’t talk about the incident AT ALL. Her hands cover her mouth, and she starts crying when she thinks about it. It’s….” Scary. She can’t finish her words. Rose’s bewilderment turns to realization. She lets out a sound of understanding.

“Oooh. Well. Before she shattered me, I-“

“SHE shattered YOU?”

“Well yes, I can’t just… shatter myself, you know? I needed someone to-“

“ROSE.”

Rose stops and looks down at Spinel, now growing a bit of irritation. She didn’t understand Spinel’s problem. “Look, all I did was give her a final command as her diamond. She isn’t allowed to tell anyone about what happened. It’s harmless, and NECESSARY. You know, precautions and all that.”

Spinel’s shaking. This wasn’t fair. Why did it all sound so convincing and unavoidable, like this was really the only way? Surely there were other options! Surely, these drastic measures could’ve been prevented! She wanted to retaliate, to argue, but Rose stepped up and took her hands. She held Spinel’s gaze, and for the first time since the Rebellion began, her presence as a diamond was suffocating her. 

Spinel was speechless.

“Spinel, I know what I did may seem… extreme, but I assure you, I needed to do it. Trust in me. I’m doing what’s best for Earth, what’s best for US. When have I ever led you wrong?”

Her smile that should’ve been reassuring sends shivers through Spinel’s spine, but her gaze was so entrancing, she can’t help respond with, “Never.” Rose continues. “You see? It’s all working out. Soon, the diamonds will leave, and we will all get our happy ending. We’ll have lots of fun! We’ll get to play and explore, and make so many new friends for the rest of our days! Doesn’t that sound so nice, after all this work? Aren’t you tired of fighting?”

Spinel tears up. She is. She nods, and Rose wipes her tears, then cups her cheek. She’s so warm and reassuring now, it’s been too long since Spinel saw this side of her.

“Now now, Spinel. It’s alright. I’m sorry it ended like it did, but it’ll be worth it. You just have to keep doing what you’re doing…” Rose boops her nose, and Spinel actually smiles. “And let me do what I need to do. OH! But before we put this to rest… I need you to do something for me…” 

Spinel tilts her head. “Is it that thing with the recruits?” 

“No… It’s about this situation…” Rose twists her smile. “I mean… you know… the whole thing with Pearl? I know I can trust you both to keep quiet but… you never know who will try to dig in.” Rose looked down at Spinel guiltily, but eager nonetheless. “I need the reassurance… Please Spinel?”

Spinel is stuck to the ground. Rose said.. please? This was really important to her…. And really, if things went their way, they would never need to bring this up again anyways. What’s the harm?

Spinel moves her hand through her mouth, mimicking a zipper. “My lips are sealed… my diamond.” Rose smiles and finalizes the order. Everything will be okay.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- The Corruption song happens. It’s been months, with them prioritizing shattering all warps, and no one has smiled. Even Rose is too lost in her guilt. She tells the others she’s going on a trip to check on the humans around the world and make sure the ones she knows are still here, leaving the surviving Crystal Gems behind. The three don’t know what to do now. 

Garnet is trying to track down the gems of their fallen comrades, to bubble them safely. Pearl is pouting over being left behind. Spinel decides to follow Garnet, but keeps glancing at Pearl. 

Halfway through trying to pick up the gems in the last battlefield they were in, something horrifying happens. The rest of the poofed gems they had yet to bubble started shaking, and shining, and form. Spinel started getting excited. Maybe the gems were just in some sort of deep hibernation and they were finally back?! She watches as they grow, but quickly realizes something is wrong. The forms they’re taking is not their own.

Soon, they’re surrounded by what looks like monsters.

So this is corruption.

The three Crystal Gems look at each other, before looking back at the creatures formed, some running away, some running TOWARDS them, the confusion leading them to scramble instead of fight. They don’t stand a chance with so many, without ROSE. They manage to lose the ones that chased them in an old tunnel system they carved out for an ambush once. They camp out inside for a bit, unsure of how to process this.

They’re more miserable than before.

Spinel is at her wits end. 

Everyone’s so quiet, they can hear a trickle of water falling steadily from the ceiling, and it’s driving Spinel batty!

She decides on breaking the tension, once and for all. “So we survived. What’s wrong with that?” She looks to Garnet, then to Pearl. She looks back down, determination pushing her forward. “I mean it. The corruption song wasn’t our fault. It was the diamonds!” She sucked in a breath, knowing Pearl would be moving her hands to her mouth. Spinel had a hard time stopping her own hand from tracing hers. “So. So why are we living like this? Why are we acting so sad? Biggs wouldn’t want this. Neither would Red, Apatite, Crazy Legs, or Tourmaline! They were our friends. They’d be giving us a hard time for acting like this. Like they’re already shattered.”

Spinel gets up. She points outside. “They’re still here. They’re just… droolier. Angrier. But they’re not shattered!” Spinel crosses her arms. “And frankly, I think that’s more relieving than when we thought they were trapped in their own gems without a physical form. At least we know now. And we can do something. We can look for ways to help them.”

Spinel is trying to smile. It doesn’t feel right, but it’ll take time for it to grow back on its own. She nudges Garnet, who’s closest.

“And at least we aren’t all alone. We have one another. And… I love you guys. I’m happy to be stuck here with you. MY best friends….”

Garnet is choked up, frozen, clutching her chest. This is the first time she’s been given that title by Spinel. It must mean a lot to her….

Pearl feels something stuck on her throat as well, realizing the annoyance she felt a long time ago had eroded. Instead, she felt something warm, and delicate, at being called Spinel’s best friend. Spinel’s smile is starting to waver, but she shakes it away. She’s not done yet with her mushy gushy feelings session.

“Come on you two. This was a long time coming!”

She picks them both up with ease, pulling them close and wrapping her arms around them in a big hug. Garnet and Pearl are uncomfortable, but don’t protest. Until Spinel tries to pick them up.

“Wait a seco- SPINEL!”  
“SPINEL, WATCH OUT!”

She wobbles and trips behind herself, down a pathway that sloped all the way down the mountain. They slipped and they tumbled, Spinel clutching Pearl tight until they reached the bottom, Pearl on top of her, and Garnet falling a few seconds later, landing on both. They groan together. 

Spinel feels worry clutching at her chest. She messed it up. They were having such a sweet moment too! “Oh- I’m sorry guys, I’m so-“

Pearl’s laughter erupted from between the other two gems, stopping Spinel in her track to stare at her instead.

It’s loud, it’s bombastic, and it’s the first time Spinel was the cause of that beautiful sound. Spinel’s cheeks started to flush. Garnet soon followed, letting her visor fade as she fell off of Pearl, both laughing up a storm beside Spinel. She can’t help her grin, and joins in, laughing for minutes on end over how ridiculous the situation was, and how Spinel’s hijinks will never end.

It’s exactly what they needed, before going back to the heaviness that is talking to Rose on what to do with the corrupted gems, and coming to realize they’d need to poof and bubble their friends.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
\- Rose starts messing around with the humans. Pearl is not thrilled. Spinel comforts her over it for the first time. 

“Ugh, it was bad enough when she was FRIENDS with them, but lovers?? Who do these humans think they are?! The nerve of them, seducing Rose! What’s so great about human courtship anyways?” 

“Well, what is it they do?” 

“Apparently, they press their… ugh… lips together and…. Do some weird ritual. IT’s DISGUSTING. Why does Rose like such barbaric things? She’s too refined for that!”

Spinel considers what she’s been told. Press their lips together? Seems simple enough, why was it regarded as something special? Pearl keeps ranting, moving her arms around to emphasize her points, but Spinel can’t help stare at her lips. They ARE pretty. What would they feel like?

Pearl stops talking and looks at Spinel, eyes like daggers. “What are you staring at?”

Spinel sits up, sweating bullets. “Nothing! Just um…” She looks down then back up at Pearl’s face. She decides to be a bit bold today. “T-Thinking about this kissing thing. How do you know it’s…. unpleasant…? Have you even tried it…?”

Pearl is taken aback. She folds her arms, blush peeking through, and looks away. “Of course not! Why would I? I have no need for such silly shows of affection! I can court just fine!”

Spinel’s nervous, but she wants to keep going. Maybe now that Rose is gone so much, and that Pearl has been relying on her more…. Maybe she could…?

“Well, why not give it a shot..? I mean…” She dares shuffle a bit closer. “You might get to… know what Rose feels… See what the fuss is all bout…”

She’s right next to Pearl now. “And get a little closer to her… in a way…”

Pearl is quiet, still looking away, but Spinel can tell from her shoulders that her blush is still present. Was she really doing this? Could she finally be leaving an impact? Would Pearl..?

“I think you’re on to something…”

Spinel feels something stirring inside her, she needs to audibly gulp down her nerves. Oh jingling bells and dancing monkeys, was she finally-?

“Y-Yeah?”

Pearl turns to look at Spinel, expression changed to one of determination. “Yes! In order to compete with these dumb humans, I need to understand their stupid actions more! When Rose gets back, I need to stop her and ask her to show me what it is they do. What it is she likes…” Pearl gets up, new confidence flaring. “I am her closest confidant. It’s MY duty and MINE alone to please her!”

Spinel visibly deflates, and hugs herself. Her. And. Her. Big. Mouth. “Oh. Well… good luck Pearl…” She smiles. “Knock her dead!”

Pearl looks disturbed by the phrase. “I most certainly will not. But I will try to get her to stay with me from now on….” Pearl sighs. “I just wish she finally noticed that I’m all she needs. She’s my everything… why can’t I be hers..?” She stays, staring at the sky for a bit, before shaking herself off and walking away. Spinel stares at her retreating back, wondering the same thing out loud. 

“Why can’t you notice ME?”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Amethyst is found by the Crystal Gems. She runs from them at first, scared of something new after years of just wandering on her own, but Spinel catches up quickly and calms her down. She asks her if she’d like some new friends. Amethyst has no idea on what friends are. Extending her hand, Amethyst slowly grasps it, and is picked up. She will learn, and it will be fun. But it’s taking up most of Spinel’s time. 

Pearl normally doesn’t mind, but when Rose leaves and she’s left on her own, Spinel’s lost presence is felt considerably. She doesn’t know when she started relying so much on this silly pink clown, and it frustrates her. She acts out by going back to her snarky ways against Spinel. Being huffy, stomping away and ignoring Spinel when she asks if she’s ok. Spinel feels hurt and confused, not knowing what she’s done to make Pearl go back to the way she was. Amethyst watches on and decides she doesn’t like this prissy gem that keeps being rude to her best friend.

“Don’t listen to her. I think you’re cool!” Amethyst has her arms crossed trying to take on a serious pose. IT makes Spinel laugh and ruffle her hair. “Thanks, kid. I think you’re super cool too!” That makes Amethyst puff out her chest in pride. But as the days keep going, Amethyst realizes that the words mean little, when Spinel’s thoughts are obviously still so wrapped up on Pearl. She’s no fun when she’s like this, all distracted. Amethyst hates it.

Seeing how her probing Spinel only comes up with empty reassurances that nothing is wrong, and her cornering Pearl ends with Pearl demanding she mind her own business, Amethyst sneaks out of Spinel’s watch to find the only other gem she thinks can help her see the big picture, Garnet.

Garnet listens to her complaints, only speaking when she was done. “What are you confused about really?” Amethyst crosses her arms. She’s exasperated at having to repeat herself. “That Spinel is so hung up on Pearl, duh! Pearl is so dumb. She’s a lousy friend who only cares about Spinel when Rose isn’t around! She’s ditched her so many times, but she still expects Spinel to hang out with her whenever she wants her to!”

Garnet nods. “I agree, it is very frustrating to see how Pearl treats Spinel. But Spinel leaving Pearl behind isn’t making her happy either. It just makes her more sad.”

Amethyst furrows her brows, hating that Garnet is right. Spinel really misses that prissy, uptight stick! She sighs in defeat. “Well, what now? What can she do?”

Garnet shakes her head. “What can YOU do. Spinel isn’t going to stop this cycle herself. She thinks that leaving you alone will hurt your feelings, and that Pearl already hates her too much to talk to her again. You’re going to need to take the first step, and bring it up.”

Amethyst groans, but agrees to do it. She confronts Spinel that night, and tells her that she doesn’t need to be babied every day. She tells her that she needs to put Pearl in her place and talk to her. Amethyst had other plans to do!

Spinel only takes a few seconds of protesting to give in. She leaves in a flash

Amethyst knows she’s doing right, she knows Spinel will be happier now.

But she still can’t help feeling bad.

That night, Pearl was on her own in the Sky Arena. She was fighting many versions of herself in a scene that had started as ‘random mode’ with thick fog, but quickly, and subconsciously turned into familiar movements and attacks she had felt and seen before. Back from the war. How did her holo-Pearls change to this? Knowing every attack to come, she was easily winning, just like she did in the field. This was too easy! She needed a challenge! She needed to not have time to THINK on her stupid feelings for once! Rose, she could handle. She was used to the ache. But Spinel? IT was so new, so different, a whole other kind of hurt. She didn’t want to dwell on it!

She slashed at the fourteenth holo-Pearl, noting there were three left. She knew where they were going to strike. Preparing herself, she took her stance, when she heard the voice she was trying to avoid pop up. 

“Pearl? Pearl! I’m… I’m free tonight, if you want to talk!” 

Pearl lost her composure and groaned. Who did she think she was coming in now? After all that time spent IGNORING her over Amethyst? A holo-Pearl jumped from the side, Pearl quickly dodged her strike and swept her feet from beneath her, striking at her chest. Two more.

“Pearl, I’m… I’m sorry for not paying as much attention to you as before. I really did miss our talks. It’s just… Amethyst is new, you know? She needed my guiding to figure stuff out.”

Her voice was getting closer and it was grating on Pearl’s nerves. Why was she apologizing? Pearl didn’t care! She was perfectly capable of entertaining herself, in fact, her sword skills were just as sharp as they were in the war thanks to all this extra practice she was able to make with the time! She should just go back and reteach Amethyst whatever silly games they played. It’s all they ever seem to do. How childish.

Pearl caught the other holo-Pearl midstep, striking an air attack with a long jump, and plunging the sword into her head. Only one more to go. 

“Pearl… we need to talk things through. Establish a system… There’s only one of me to go around, you know?”

The nerve of her! Was she insinuating Pearl wanted her all to herself?! Absolutely preposterous! Pearl only had room for one gem in her heart and that was Rose! She was the one Pearl wanted to keep to herself!

Pearl found the last holo-pearl, and swiped up a surprise attack, expecting to hit it, but Spinel’s last words were spoken. 

“You know… I missed hanging out with you too..”

What?

Her blows miss, and the holo-Pearl scatters away from her sight, Pearl trying desperately to regain her flustered stance. Don’t think about it, Pearl! You’re in the middle of fighting! 

But that stupid heart-shaped gem keeps running her big fat mouth!

“I really miss our talks. I wanted to chase you lots of times, to go back like before but… that’s just not fair to Amethyst. She’s new, and I’m her… Her best friend. I couldn’t let her down. But in trying not to hurt her feelings, I forgot yours…”

Pearl is so anxiously trying to find the last Holo-Pearl, to destroy it, to destroy these FEELINGS! AUGH, she wishes she could just shut her up!

“I’m sorry, Pearl.”

Pearl flinches and pauses, staring down at her blade. In that millisecond, she hears the whoosh of a sword come for her from behind, and turns with panic, expecting to meet her fate. What she sees instead, is a big hand, gripping the Holo-Pearl’s sword, the glove ripping. She doesn’t have time to process it, as she’s whisked back by an arm, slinked back into the fog. And into Spinel’s chest. 

“Need some help?”

Spinel lets go of the sword, bringing down her fist instead to squash the last holo-Pearl like a bug. Pearl can’t help remember all the times in the past when Spinel saved her in the battlefield, moments just like this. She chalks up her blush as embarrassment at her past failures, and pushes Spinel away, clearing out the fog. 

“I-I most certainly did NOT! I had it under control, thank you very much!”

Spinel laughs. “I know you did, P. I just couldn’t help myself. Seeing you in danger makes me…” Spinel looks away, twisting her stretchy arms nervously, a small pink blush creeping into her own cheeks. “It just makes me act without thinking…”

Pearl stares a bit too long, but snaps out of it when Spinel almost catches her. What a mess this night is!

Pearl crosses her arms and starts walking away, wanting to just go to her room. Spinel still needed answers, though.

“Pearl, please…” She grasps Pearl’s hand softly, not pulling to keep her there. She’s pleading. 

Pearl can’t help sigh.

“FINE. You win. I’m.” She grips her stomach now in discomfort, looking at the ground with a sour look. “I’m sorry too. For… treating you like that. Next time, you should just clarify to me what you’re doing, we could’ve avoided all this, you know!”

Spinel sucks in air, letting out a breathy, low laugh that makes Pearl feel a little something she doesn’t want to analyze at all.

“Deal.”

Pearl touches her face, feeling it hot. She needed to control herself more, she felt absolutely ridiculous, getting this worked up over a misunderstanding! She was better than this! She cleared her throat and finally turned to face Spinel. 

“Well. Now that this is settled. I do have new information I could catch you up on. You won’t believe who Rose is dating now… Uuugh, I thought the milkman was bad, this guy calls himself a world class spy! There’s nothing stealthy about him! What a failure of a lie!”

Spinel smiles, and they move to sit on the audience seats, Pearl feeling better with each sentence she lets out. It felt so good to have Spinel back. Maybe this friendship wasn’t so bad…

Maybe Pearl could live with getting her hugs and attention…

… Maybe she found it hard now to live without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLORP. That’s all I can provide you guys with for this segment! Ugh, I feel like every time I say something will be short now, will be a lie! MY shipping feels DID NOT let me make this simple paragraphs, and instead, fleshed them into full on fragments of story. I’m a mess. 
> 
> I can’t promise this next installation coming next week. I can’t say sorry enough, but this month will be the busiest in my life. I need to finish a portfolio I’m still in the developmental stage of. I need to be able to win this competition to be able to graduate. So much pressure ;-;
> 
> Thanks to the peeps who replied to my update post on this chapter being late. You guys are mvps <3 I love you all. I’m sorry I can’t reply individually to you all for a while, it honestly take me hours to do so… aaaugh. But know that I read them much sooner than I am able to reply, and that I appreciate every single one!
> 
> You guys make my day. I hope this installation is enough for my fellow shippers for now. The next segment will continue this into moments when Steven comes in. I had to cut this in half because of time, and my refusal to make anything simple >:T AUGH. Thanks for the support <3 I hope you all have wonderful days! Until next time <3 <3 <3


	7. Back but Still Fractured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More snippets of the Spinel timeline before Steven was born. Short update... ;w;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back~! Sorry for the long wait guys, but in case y’all don’t follow my tumblr, I had to finish my art portfolio to get into a program that would help me graduate with my degree in Photography/Digital media, and I WON! IM IN THE PROGRAM!!! NOT TO MENTION, twas my bday. I am a certified adult now with no claim to teenhood :,,D life is pain.
> 
> I had hoped to truly make it up to you guys by giving a big update, but lo and behold, my competition may be over, but end of the semester homework is no joke. My butt is being kicked, and my work just keeps piling on endlessly without a break. By the time the semester ends, I'll be in a coma ;-;
> 
> I had promised an update by last week, but couldn;t provide. So then I promised by today, but the chapter was... still taking a while. I can;t pump this out faster, I keep rewriting the scenes, overthinking the timeline and plotting things way too ahead ;-; I wish I could go back to just simple paragraphs of events, but the fic aspect of this has really taken me over aaaaugh. Writing is pain. I am the noodle fool ;-;
> 
> Please take my humble offering that is this fragment of the chapter. After beating myself up, I decided that posting the bit I have written is better than extending the wait. You guys have been so patient with me, I don't deserve it. But I hope this update provides some serotonin to some of you anyways <3

After they resolve the conflict, Pearl is now, on a subconscious level, fully grasping her need of Spinel. Far gone are the days of Spinel always being the one to chase after Pearl. Now Pearl actively seeks her out when she’s not with Rose, to hang out and talk. Spinel starts off being ecstatic every time, but as more years pass, she wears thin on the subject matter ALWAYS being Rose. So she tries to shake it up a bit.

She takes Pearl out to things she thinks she’ll like; to see new shows being opened, to try new things. Spinel is big on human culture, and wants to eagerly share it with the gems, but Pearl is still reluctant to taking it all in. She does become a fan of ballet performances, and even of fancier circuses with extravagant costumes and acrobatic shows (think Cirque du Soleil.) She’s impressed by how humans, who are so easily broken, train to become athletic performers. Spinel is proud she found something that could further bond her with Pearl.

And she couldn’t wait to find more!

But that would have to be put on hold for a long time, as Rose finds Greg, and Pearl slowly realizes he’s something more to her.

(Greg appears)

It starts with the same small complaints. Spinel could always handle those. She would just need to nod her head, provide silly impersonations of the new lover, and reassure PEarl that they never last. 

But something about this one was different.

The first big sign of this came when Greg tried to fuse with Rose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(We Need To Talk)

The music video occurred the same, with Spinel in the sidelines, trying and failing to stop PEarl from going to Rose to fuse. It always gave her a sinking feeling when she saw Rainbow Quartz.

The most beautiful fusion in her eyes. A reminder of her failures. 

She hugs herself as she watches Rainbow dance, her movements elegant and precise, with just the right flair. She’s only there for a second, but it’s enough to send Spinel into a tirade of dark thoughts. 

The same old familiar feelings she felt before.

When she came back to the present, Rose was gone, and Pearl was rolling up the mic cord. Pearl’s snippy treatment of Greg was to be expected. Spinel felt bad for Greg, as she always did with every love interest of Rose, but she couldn’t help agree in her mind. Humans were just a novelty to her. She always moved on.

Though Greg’s response to this information was surprising to say the least.

“Well, has any human tried to fuse with a gem before?”

“Uh… no… I don’t think-“

“Then…. I will try!” Mic drop.

Jaws agape.

It was the first time any human had attempted it, and Spinel was sure as soon as Garnet gave him advice that it would backfire miserably. She knew how frustrated humans got with Rose. She was sure he’d be like the rest and move on eventually to get into a more serious relationship with another human. She knew Rose would simply shrug it off and move on to her next big fling. 

This was a cycle that worked like clockwork ever since they got here.

But everything she believed would happen crumbled in an instant, as Greg did the one thing she wished she could do, and snapped Rose out of it.

He got through.

Rose stopped laughing.

Spinel’s eyes were glued to the scene. Rose was struggling to make words. They hugged. They were talking. And then they started to dance again.

What just happened?

Did Rose finally… take something seriously?

“I think this one’s my favorite.”

“I think he’s her favorite too…”

Spinel barely registered the conversation that went on with the others. Garnet was proud of Greg, Amethyst was amazed, and Pearl sounded miserable. Where did she stand?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The four finally started to depart halfway through the date, with some gentle coaxing for Pearl to stop latching herself to the rock. Spinel spent the rest of the night in Pearl's room, hugging her as she cried.

“Is this it? Is she going to leave us? TO LIVE IN A VAN?!”

“Don’t be silly, Pearl, of course not. She might be gone for a bit, but she’d never truly leave us. It’s not like she can get off this planet and never return. She’ll always be around.”

Pearl hugged herself. “Okay… you’re right…. But still!! It was bad enough when she had her fling with that arctic explorer, and spent a decade helping him chart that wasteland! How long is this one going to keep going for? Three years? His whole life? It’ll drag on for so long! I can’t keep putting up with seeing his…. DUMB FACE!”

Pearl lifted her arms, exasperated, and walked away from Spinel. She stood at the edge of one of her pillars, looking down, and crossed her arms.

Spinel didn’t follow her; she just stood and shared her own thoughts.

“I don’t think they’ll last as long as you think, Pearl.”

Spinel paused for a bit, trying to form her thoughts, before continuing.

“I…. actually, I think it’s impossible for Rose to keep her attention on someone for that long. I mean, looks at how many humans she’s gone through. It’s been millennia, and the most she’s ever lasted in a relationship has been ten years. Afterwards, the humans change. They move on, go too fast for her. She may stick around and visit them as they age, but she’s never been able to mold herself with them. She’ll always be the same Rose…”

Spinel’s tone got quieter. 

“Silly, cheery, energetic, STUBBORN Rose…” Spinel flinched in surprise when she realized how she growled the last part, and snapped her head to check if PEarl caught it too. She was quiet. Ugh…

Panic swelled in Spinel, Pearl was the LAST person she wanted to voice her Rose troubles with. She started walking to her, trying to come up with an excuse. “Oh- I-I meant in a cute way! You know, how she always pouts and-“

The damage control was unnecessary. Once she reached her, Pearl’s expression was clearly a soft one, with blue cheeks and smiling eyes. 

She spoke.

“Yeah… that’s Rose….” 

Spinel’s shoulders slumped. Her pigtails drooped. But Pearl continued.

“You’re right, Spinel! Humans just can’t fully understand the wonderfulness of Rose! I can’t believe I forgot how nasty they always tend to get around their age of midlife crisis! The nerve of them, telling Rose to ‘grow up!’ She’s PERFECT the way she is!”

Pearl got up, stretched, and turned around, placing a hand on Spinel’s shoulder. Her eyes were still creased, but the glow she had was gone. It never turned on for her.

“Thank you, Spinel, for pulling me back to my senses! Greg is inevitably going to fail her, and when he does, as always, I’ll be right here~ Ah, I can’t believe how pathetic I was to even fret in the first place. But luckily….. You always know what to say…” 

Pearl’s smile is tender, her eyes pining Spinel to the ground. “Spinel…. I don’t know what I’d do without you…”

The shiver that sent. 

Her face flushed involuntarily like a forest fire, she quickly spun her head to hide. Spinel almost choked, but her defense mechanisms flared up. When all else fails, GO TO JOKES!

“W-Well obviously, you wouldn’t be here. It’s thanks to me that you got out of the battlefield without a scratch, after all. And don’t get me started on the emotional toll!” Spinel dared to look back and hold Pearl’s gaze as she continued. “You know, for as pretty as you are, you really need too much maintenance. Why if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were defective from the start.”

Pearl’s expression changed in the blink of an eye. It wasn’t a mad one. It was quizzical. But it only lasted a thought, and she laughed it off nervously. 

“I can’t believe you…. You’re able to say that? No, wait, just…. What are the boundaries…? Um…”

Pearl stepped back. 

Oh great, Spinel made this awkward. 

She tried to diffuse the situation.

“We’re alone in your room, it’s no big deal if we-“

“Not a big deal? Spinel!” Rigid. Pearl had become rigid, and it made the hearty gem feel like she failed.

“Bringing such things up-“ Pearl held her hand, expecting it to suddenly block her mouth. It didn’t. They were dancing around this carefully. “With….. even just insinuation! It’s- betrayal!” 

Pearl wasn’t going to let this go. What a drag to bring this up. A pit began in Spinel’s middle, but she knew how to play along. As always.

“… sorry Pearl. I’ll never.. do that again.” 

Pearl nodded, accepting this, and walked further away.

“Sorry to cut this short, but I do have some organizing to do. Instead of going by color, I think I need to re-categorize my weapons by age~”

She hummed as she hopped up more pillars, leaving Spinel to stumble out of the room and into her own, the same old tiredness hanging on her shoulders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was an uneventful day, for the most part. Just the usual corrupted gem hunt, this time not as successful as others…. But the rest was ok. Just a little tiring.

Everyone was back in their rooms as soon as they warped home, even Rose. It was late, but Spinel decided to take a walk and enjoy the solitude it brought. 

See where her feet would take her.  
She got in a good half hour of sea breeze and gentle tomfoolery. She tried chasing an alley cat to see what it did with the fish it dug out, but it slipped through the shadows of a backyard. She knew she couldn’t follow, she learned THAT lesson years ago.

She headed back to the boardwalk, sitting down on the edge and swinging her legs. The moon was a sliver, but it was big and it was beautiful. Memories of Pink’s base flooded through, and she couldn’t help the smile that formed. Those were fun times. Even if Pink was restless. Even if Pearl had hated her. Spinel’s naivety was still intact, and she was the happiest she’d ever been, feeling close and indispensable to her best friends. How much time has eroded her.

She began to hum the song she wrote for when Pink would return, but was cut by a voice she never expected.

“OH HEY! Spinel!”

Pink ships above!

Spinel jumped from the shock and looked up at the human that walked towards her. 

This will be weird.

“O-Oh, hey Greg! What’re you doing out so late?”

As much as she didn’t want it, Greg plopped himself next to her, and made himself comfortable. Spinel felt alarm bells going off.

“Oh, you know, just gathering some inspiration. I had this idea for a song involving being stuck in the moon-“ Spinel hacked a bit. “But I couldn’t get the melody quite right…. And I thought, hey. Maybe looking at the big rock might help!”

Spinel didn’t know ho to reply. The best she could do was say, “I see….” 

They stayed sitting in silence for a bit, Spinel hoping above all else that he would get bored and leave.

Spinel was known to be a chatterbox; she could make conversation flow for hours. And Spinel really didn’t hate Greg at all; she rather liked his music, liked how he laughed at her jokes, and was amazed by the energy and enthusiasm he always had. She would on any other day have been able to easily direct an aimless talk about songs and planets and moons, but after what she saw, after the change she felt he almost caused on Rose from their talk.

Spinel didn’t know what to make out of Greg anymore. Bless his being, he tried, but she was just too-

“So, um. You know, it’s good I got out tonight. I’ve been meaning to talk to you…”

What.

Spinel gawked at him, scared but intrigued. Why would he ever be interested in talking to her? As always, she tried to play it off.

“Talk to me? What’s up? Did you decide to quit music, and move on to comedy? Need help writing jokes? Don’t worry! I may be a bit rusty, but I’m pretty sure I can still rouse a crowd.”

She winked.

“Leave everything to me~! All it’ll cost you is an arm and a GREG!”

Greg’s laughter was boisterous. Spinel couldn’t help the snippet of pride from it. It made her feel like even after all these hard years, she’s still got it. 

But Greg popped the bubble a bit when he recovered. “THAT was a BAD one. And VERY off-topic.” 

Greg composed himself back to his relaxed posture, and stared off to the sea. Spinel kept her eyes on him.

He finally talked after a deep breath. 

“So uh. Pearl….”

The name drop soured her mood quickly.

Pearl?

No.

Spinel wanted to bolt, but Greg noticed and jumped in to calm her down.

“Hey! Hey! It’s okay! I’m not gonna tell you anything about it! I just…”

He stopped for a bit but continued.

“It’s kinda hard not to notice, you know? You… You look at her the same way she looks at Rose.”

That felt like a slap to the face.

It had never occurred to her to be compared like that.

Her embarrassment was evident, and she hid her face with her hands, failing in responding. She just wanted to melt.

But Greg had no mercy and kept going anyways. “Anyways, it’s not just that. I um. Was playing back the music video I shot the other day, with the fusion, and…”

Another pause, this time longer. It piqued Spinel’s interest enough to have her come out of hiding to peek at his expression. He was already looking at her; it froze her.  
“And I noticed your expression when they formed….”

The shame, how it burned.

Defenses were up. 

She could just say she was jealous. That’s probably what he expected. And while it holds some level of truth, saying so would open such a big backtracking discussion she may not ever be able to have. She never wanted to bring that up, ever. But-

“I just…”

Greg’s eager eyes shone as bright as the cosmos he wrote about. Spinel was sure she wanted to share. She was so tired of holding it in. But she just couldn’t let it go. She simplified it, instead.

“I can’t fuse. 

At all.

I… I tried! Once! But it just… didn’t work out at all. I guess I’m just…”

Afraid/ insecure/ unsure of herself/ resigned to being alone

Given up on feeling wanted.

“Too…. Nervous…”

That was it. That was the lame, scrambled excuse she came up with. She waited to be called out, to be told she was being silly. But Greg is a human full of surprises.  
“Hey, it’s ok!” He smiled warmly. “If there’s anything I learned about that night, it’s that… fusion doesn’t matter. Not in the long run, anyways. What Garnet has is amazing but….”

He squeezed his leg, grin getting wider. “Being two separate people and enjoying each other’s company is pretty good too. If you were always stuck together, how would you be able to hug one another? To tease one another? To talk things through? I can imagine it being tough when both sides disagree… It must feel like you’re splitting in two…” Greg shivered. He had thought about the implications of fusion more than Spinel thought he would. She was pleasantly surprised by the care he put into learning things about them. 

He was…

He was a good person, and a good listener. 

Spinel couldn’t fight off the smile she gave back to him.

He gave her a pat in the shoulder and reassured her she could talk to him anytime. ‘Any close friend of Rose is a close friend of mine!’

To pay him back, she ended up teaching him the melody to Rose’s return song. He enjoyed it a lot, and thanked her profusely before getting up to run to his van to jot it down.

As soon as he left, the emotions came pouring in.

She felt guilty, but she liked him. Secretly, she hoped she was wrong. 

She hoped he would stick around longer.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been years. The longest she’s stayed with a human….

Pearl has become subdued and quiet. Spinel has spent most of her time trying to get her out, but they both notice the changes happening. Rose is… growing. Rose has been sticking closer to Greg for longer. 

Rose looked like she was….

“I’m… pregnant!”

The gems stared in shock.

Amethyst was the first to break it, crowding Rose with excited questions. She had no clue what it meant. Rose giggled and answered back enthusiastically. She didn’t notice the other three’s expressions.  
But Spinel swiveled immediately to check on the other two.

Garnet bent and held her head. She was giving tiny tremors and her lips pulled back to a grimace. Was she trying to see the future?

Pearl looked sick. She was holding her hand over her mouth, and shut her eyes tight. No tears came out, though.

Spinel’s gut twisted, but she wrapped her arms around both and held them close. Garnet spoke in a hushed tone.

“She’s really going to do this. She’s…. She’s going to…”

Garnet’s confirmations made Pearl stifle a choking sound. It caught Rose’s attention.

She walked over to the trio, her face pulled with concern. 

“I… I know this is a surprising, but….” The corners of her mouth pulled up. She beamed. “You have to admit this is pretty exciting too…! Can you believe this? Me? A gem? Capable of having a BABY?! Look at me! I’m changing! In a way that was truly, never expected by anyone! I’m finally something NEW. And this?” She places her hands on her stomach. “Oh, they will be so… WONDERFUL! Something completely original… So special…” The warmth radiates from her words. She’s so happy. She’s so proud. She’s getting what she wants. 

And, like always, she’s not thinking about the others.

Garnet moves away from Spinel’s embrace to step towards Rose. She finally replies. “Do you even know what you’re saying? Do you know what I am SEEING? Rose! This- This will… CHANGE you!”

Pearl clutches Spinel harder, and Spinel can feel wetness where her face is buried.

Rose’s eyebrows are knit, she looks sympathetic. But her eyes stay hard and calloused. “I fully understand it, Garnet. And I’m ready for it. I talked it over with Greg…”

Everyone flinches at that.

“And we agreed that this is something… beautiful. To start a new life from nothing? To be a part of it? How amazing is that?! I just-“ Her smile doesn’t waver. Her tone turns pleading, with an edge. “This is my decision, and I made it. Can’t you be happy for me?”

There’s nothing they can say.

Garnet stomps away, Pearl scurries to her room, and Amethyst looks around, confused on the conflict.

“What happened? Why’s everyone so mad?”

She notices the stare Spinel is giving Rose, and steps back.

“Uh… Actually, I just remembered Vidalia was going to teach me how to play the drums!” She backs out and turns into an owl, flying away.

Rose crosses her arms.

“Are you going to question me too?”

She sounds accusing. She sounds…. Childish.

Spinel shakes her head. She has to try.

“Rose, it’s just… Did you really not give us any thought? How this hurts us? How we- We need you?”

Spinel steps towards her, but her back is bent. She feels vulnerable. She feels terrible. But she hopes she can get through Rose like…

Like Greg did.

“I think…. I think we need to talk this through… together! You should listen to what we have to say. We can-“

Rose stepped back. Her face was contorted in a way Spinel never saw before. Anger directed at her.

“Talk? You want us to talk? That’s fine. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m pregnant. This is happening. There is no stopping this.” She stops to huff, holding her hand to her head. “I understand this is sudden, and… I know it’s a lot. But I don’t want our last moments to be spent fighting, Spinel.” 

Rose reaches to hold Spinel’s arms. She slides her hands to hold hers tenderly.

“I don’t want my last months to be full of yelling. Full of accusations. Full of worries. I don’t want to look back, I don’t want to think about the negative. Can’t you just let me have this?”

Rose’s tone turns sweet. She’s back to playing for sympathy.

“Please… Please Spinel? After all I’ve been through…. After what we fought for… Don’t I deserve to choose what to do with myself? Can’t I go in peace?”

Spinel feels the familiar trickling sense she felt under Rose’s stare so many years ago. She’s powerless to the influence. She nods and chokes back her retorts. Rose’s smile brands itself into her mind.

“Thank you… I’m eternally grateful for you, Spinel…

My sweet, caring Spinel….”

Spinel feels her gem singing her praises. She’s on cloud nine, on ecstasy. She feels like she won something beyond valuable, all for one simple word.

But her elated emotions and giant smile grew strained as Rose continued.

“And with your help, I’m sure the others can come around too!”

……. Huh?

“Amethyst doesn’t understand. We can use this to our advantage. She will miss me, but it’s better her last memories with me are in… blissful ignorance.”

… wait…. 

“Garnet is a tough one, but she can see my resolve. She’ll come to accept this, and afterwards, I’m sure she’ll find the change to be something beautiful too. A good leader. As for PEarl…”

Spinel’s heart stops. Her eyes turn into pinpricks and her arms shake. 

Rose sighs wistfully, holding her cheek. “Pearl will move on. She has all of you for company! She will learn, and she will get better with everyone’s help.” She hums, thinking it over. “This is for the best… Pearl always wanted something more I couldn’t give her. It’ll be tough, but she can finally let go of me. Oh!”

Rose laughed. “And you four will make the best family for this little one! Greg told me he could cover the baby’s early years, but I just KNOW you will give them the best support! Ah…”

Rose lets go of Spinel to caress her abdomen again, dazing off.

“It will be great. Honestly, I sometimes wish I could stick around and SEE it…”

This was real. 

She has convinced herself on how correct she was; it was clear to Spinel. But Spinel wasn’t sold on this at all.

This is too fast. This is too smothering. She doesn’t want to be used. She wont let herself be used! She doesn’t agree to this! She wont be a part of this!

There’s no reasoning with her, there’s no convincing her. There was nothing she could do with Rose.

But there was something she could do with herself.

She does the only thing she can think of.

For the first time in her life, Spinel runs away, ignoring Rose as she called out for her to return. Feeling just the littlest bit free from her grasp, and the biggest slice of satisfaction as she managed to never look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much else to say for the end.... Just more me kicking myself for being a perfectionist now. This is my hell. I've avoided writing fics like the plague for years because I knew this would happen and here I am XD aaah
> 
> My creativity is running on fumes, but I shall continue force feeding it till I'm in my grave. I must!
> 
> (Oh, and I still havent decided on a ship name. Plue, I;m trying to figure out a better name for this au because "another Crytal Gem Spinel Au is too long and too generic. blegh, more work :,T)


	8. Fluff Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cute fluffy ship moment in the future. Just felt like writing something like this and bam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to the peeps that live in the U.S :3 I made this on a whim, but truth be told, I needed it anyways. Always writing just angst gets to one, you know? Something to keep in mind is, this happens after the events of season 5, after all the good stuff happens and there's finally peace. Pearl is in her jacket form, and Spinel has gotten her punk look going on~! ^^

Beer in hand.

Stars abound

All alone

Just the two.

Finally.

No one between.

Spinel took a swig, the familiar fuzziness taking hold. She wondered what kept her from trying it for so long. Pearl watched on with intrigue but refused when offered. She still had her senses.

They walked to the empty building in the lot and sat on the pavement. There was nothing to do but sit and talk about life.

How Steven was growing,

How the Famethyst were getting into mischief,

How Garnet would occasionally unfuse to have cute dates.

Everything was so much better nowadays.

Spinel smiled and finished her second can. The buzz was always fast to go, but she wanted to chase it. She moved to the third.

Pearl shook her head and took it from her. Told her two was enough.

Spinel laughed and told her to keep it. She pulled the rest of the pack from her gem. She had so much more. Pearl made a sound of disgust as Spinel opened another and drank.

There was no winning this.

They talked some more.

About the future,

About Homeworld,

About change.

How everything was turning out like a fantasy. 

A happily ever after, like the human fairytales always had.

This was nice.

Fourth beer.

The moon is high above. Spinel smiles at their old home. She can’t stop her mouth from bringing it up.

For the first time ever, Spinel talks about how their first meeting went in her head. How pretty she thought Pearl was. How she was always impressed by her smarts. How delicate yet stern her disposition felt. But she was a comforting presence, nonetheless. 

She laughs at her memories, not noticing that Pearl never looked up at the sky with her. Her blue eyes were stuck on her. And they narrowed with every word.

Pearl makes another move for the drinks. She says Spinel’s not herself tonight. Spinel stretches her hand away easily, out of reach from Pearl’s grasp. As she tries to push Pearl, though, she slips and falls on her back, Pearl dropping with her.

On top of her.

They stop and look at each other, Spinel’s mouth going dry. Her mind was too muzzled to come up with a joke. 

Pearl does the talking instead. Just more nagging. The mood is gone, and Spinel’s smirk is back in place.

She decides to get cocky. She wants to take a jab. “How do you know the effects of alcohol on gems? It’s not like you’ve tried it yourself.” 

She pulls her other hand to caress Pearl’s face, loving the blue that rushes out. 

“Just one little taste doesn’t hurt, P.”

They stay in place again, frozen by the anticipation. But something in Pearl’s eyes was making Spinel distrust the situation. She took her hand back, all she wanted was a tease anyways. 

“Come on, precious. It’s late-“

Her jacket is yanked up with a hand.

The brush of her lips sent sparks in her chest. She couldn’t believe the sensation, but its pressure stayed. Then the kiss opened, and Spinel’s pupils dilated. Pearl openly kissed her, eyes closed, a hand beside her head and the other firmly keeping her up. There’s a confident readiness in her actions. 

It was clear this was deliberate. 

And that was all Spinel had ever wanted.

Just as she closed her eyes and kissed back, Pearl jerked and let go, coughing up a storm. Her worry left no room for doubt, and Spinel sat up to help her, patting her back. She asked what was wrong, but could get no answer, until Pearl crawled away and got up. 

Pearl looked down at her, her lips pulled in a grimace.

“That was too bitter!”

It took Spinel a few seconds. 

She laughed so hard it shook her gem. 

“You don’t… drink it for… the taste, you know!”

In her cackles, she doesn’t notice Pearl backing up until the case is swinging in her face. One left. She moves to grab it, but Pearl elegantly swings them away, throwing them up, and catching them again to put in her gem. It’s her turn to smirk at Spinel.

“Whether it’s for the taste or the effects, you’re not getting any more~.”

Spinel is at a loss for words, but her fire’s ignited. Now she knows Pearl can take it.

Giving a big grin, she shrugs. “That’s fine… I got something new to intoxicate myself with.”

Pearl’s eyebrows rise then furrow. She’s not getting what Spinel’s dropping. Her tone gets accusatory. 

“What are you hiding?”

Spinel gets up and moves over to her. Pearl isn’t moving away; she has no clue. 

“I’m not hiding anything.”

She easily takes Pearl and swings her behind. It’s her turn to be trapped with her back to a wall. Same pose, one hand near head and other pulling her close.

“Not anymore.”

This kiss is longer.

This kiss is playful.

It was a long time coming, and the payoff is sweet. A full minute passes, until Pearl finally pulls away.

“I think this is… enough!”

Spinel doesn’t want to hear it.

“Aw, come on sugar lips. You know how long I’ve wanted to do this?”

She’s kissing her neck now, hands moved down to grasp her sides. Nice, slow and steady motions make Pearl’s legs tremble.

A suckle later, a pleading voice. “Let’s keep going…”

Pearl’s voice shy. “More… kissing?”

Spinel laughs, her hands get a bit lower. “Keep going…”

Pearl’s tone is more confused. “…. F… fusion?”

Spinel stops but keeps laughing. “Little too far, Pearl.”

She moves to look at her, Pearl’s blush big but her composition isn’t right. She looks lost. Does she not know..?

Spinel tilts her head. That couldn’t be… She knew so much about Rose’s doings! 

Still, she asks.

“Pearl, what’s the farthest you’ve gone?”

Pearl looks uncomfortable under the question but replies.

“Kissing? With you…?”

Spinel is reeling. Oh diamonds. This was too much.

Face completely red, she hides in Pearl’s shoulder, Pearl’s confusion and concern growing. She keeps asking what’s wrong, what happened, what else is she missing? Spinel can barely contain her internal screaming.

She finally composes herself and gets up. Looks at Pearl in the eye. Smiles.

“You’re right. This is enough.”

For now.

Pearl pouts at not being answered, but lets it go. Spinel sits back in the pavement and brings her down with. They cuddle up as they gaze at the stars. It’s Pearl’s turn to tell stories.

The night is nice and uneventful. Just a kiss to the forehead for Pearl and a hug goodnight for her.  
But this was the best start Spinel could have hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yee, this is maaaybe canon to this au. Not too sure yet. Tbh i just. Really wanted to write something cute and shippy. A note on the decisions I made:
> 
> I think gems, like with the ability to digest food, can decide on getting drunk too. I mean, they can taste stuff, I'm spitballing by thinking they can willingly make themselves lose their inhibitions. :,3 Meh. Also, as much as I end up painting Rose as a manipulator, I dont think she'd ever done anything to Pearl. For one, Pearl was never one to participate in 'human rituals,' and two, Rose only ever had interest in humans. Pearl has only ever heard about them, but I doubt Rose got... descriptive on the encounters. It'd probably yick Pearl too much. 
> 
> (oh shit also, check out wiltingpierrot. They are amazing :3)
> 
> I hope this chapter was a nice change of pace ;w; Thank y'all for always taking my garbage!


	9. Hooked (Addicted You Might Say)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Case by case studies on the OG CGs during Spinel's departure with pregnant Rose, and after she comes back. Sad noodle hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another song as a title cuz iz stuck in me head. I hope yall enjoyed the fluff last chapter cuz yee, angst is back with a vengeance. I am not a happy noodle writing so much of this :,,,D aaaah, but I do take breaks when it overwhelms me. Like in the form of ChocoMimi, a manga series I grew up with, and the absolutely purifying show that is Epithet Erased. Please. I beg of you, dear reader, if you are in need of soul cleansing. This. Is. The. Cutest. Show. Please do not be swayed by the animations that seem lacking! The art is so cute and amazing, and the VOICE ACTORS AND WRITING BREAAAATHES LIFE. (also Giovanni is just the perfect soup dad. I adore him. He is an all-time favorite character for me right along with Spinel. He is such a good surrogate dad/older brother. You want supportive goofy villain/found family? This. Nothing gets better than this.) 
> 
> Ok, sorry for that :,,D I…. didn’t realize it but I REALLY needed that series to get through this hahaa. Anyways, on with da show~!

When Spinel left, it felt was like there was a hole.

Garnet was at her wits end. She felt Sapphire’s quiet and cold rage seep through her every action. 

She tried to be understanding to Rose, but her voice kept a concerned edge. She tried to comfort Pearl, but her hands shook as she tried to grab her. She tried explaining to Amethyst what would happen, but she couldn’t form the words.

She was powerless; she was crumbling under the weight of her vision. 

And she was the one Rose was entrusting everyone to.

Garnet sat, alone and still in the palm of the Temple Fusion’s hand. The gems were gone, off in their own distractions. She was by herself. 

She had so many responsibilities now. She had so much to check up on. But she didn’t want to do anything. She was so scared, she wanted to stop thinking.

She wanted to stop existing.

She was whole, but she felt alone. 

With the intrusive thought, she popped, and out came Ruby and Sapphire. 

They landed on the floor with their backs, but neither made a move to get up. They just laid there, staring at the sky in silence for a while. Minutes passed, birds flew by, before Ruby broke a bird song.

“So this is happening….”

Sapphire nodded to herself. She entwined her hands together in her chest and spoke. 

“It is…”

Another silence, then Ruby continued.

“We’re going to be the leaders….”

A hum.

“Rose is going to leave us….”

“Yes…”

“She’ll never come back..!”

“Indeed…”

“AND IN HER PLACE, WE’RE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY?!”

“Most certainly.”

Ruby jumped up, her usual heat coming on.

“A HUMAN. BABY. NO- A GEM AND HUMAN FUSION? HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS?! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!? WE CAN’T TAKE CARE OF A BABY! WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! ABOUT HUMANS! ROSE AND SPINEL ARE THE EXPERTS! WE-“

Ruby stopped, gripping her hair in frustration and growling. Sapphire took this as her cue to get up.

“This… THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

“It isn’t.”

“Why is she leaving us?”

“With her fascinations with growth and being human, this path should’ve been obvious…”

“But it’s so… FAST! WE DON’T EVEN GET A YEAR TO PREPARE! To say bye properly! We have so much to do to get ready, and Rose is just spending it with GREG!”

“She needs to make sure her pregnancy goes the way she intends. Her focus should be on that.”

“But that means she has no time for us! US! Her friends since….. FOREVER AGO!” Ruby is crying now. Sapphire jumps in with a hug, wishing she could cry too, but the tears were yet to hit her.

Ruby clung to her and sobbed, nuzzling up to her neck. They stayed like that a bit, eventually moving to sit down, with Ruby’s head in Sapphire’s lap. Sapphire pet her head while she whimpered. Ruby had a lot to mourn, and she was taking her time. Once she was back to calming down a bit, though, she continued. But not for her sake.

“I miss Spinel…”

Sapphire’s soothing hand stopped. 

Ruby took a breath, and kept going.

“She should be here. She should be helping us. She should be with Rose in her last moments.”

“Everyone reacts to grief differently. She just… needs her space.”

“Space? Ok. But when is she coming back?”

Sapphire paused for a bit, only to clench her fist and stay silent. Ruby could tell.

“She shouldn’t have left.”

“Rose is her oldest friend. She’s taking it a lot harder…”

“Have you looked at Pearl? We’re all suffering. She should know best how much we need each other right now. How much we need HER.”

Sapphire’s voice breaks.

“We can’t always rely on her, Ruby! She’s her own gem. She decided she wants to be alone.”

“And look at how well that turns out. Admit it, Sapphy. I know what you feel. I know you miss her too. I know you feel hurt too. Let it out!”

“Letting it out isn’t going to bring her back! Isn’t going to stop this from happening!”

“It won’t…” Ruby propped herself up and hugs Sapphire now, stroking her hair. “But it’s better than keeping it in us. Keeping it in YOU.”

Sapphire can’t fight them anymore. It’s her turn to cry and to be coddled. She agreed with everything Ruby said. She felt the world was being unfair. She felt like the rug was pulled from under her. She felt like a failure at not having seen this coming.

She felt so unprepared for it all, caught off guard and so VULNERABLE.

She was scared.

More minutes spent flubbering with emotions, but the catharsis that came with it was long overdue. Both gems were tiny wrecks, but when they were Garnet, they formed a bigger hassle. It felt good to have their turns talking it out to one another, even if it wasn’t ideal.

It helped them remember they were never alone.

~  
Amethyst felt like she was missing a piece of the puzzle. She would scratch her head and ask the gems, but no one wanted to answer her. She greatly missed Spinel and considered many times to try to track her down, but she REALLY wanted to see the baby as soon as it came out. 

Considering how Sour Cream looked and acted, she was half excited, half secretly dreading it’s debut. 

For the twentieth time that week, Amethyst strolled into Vidalia’s kitchen, hopping over cracker snacks and pots and pans.

Sour Cream was definitely getting bigger now, but he was also becoming much more annoying.

“Heeey, V! What you up to today? I’m bored.”

Amethyst found her in the living room, dozing off. No Sour Cream in sight. Perfect!

She jumped onto her friend, like she used to. “VIIIVIIIII VIIIIDALIAAA~!”

Vidalia SCREAMED, and became a mess of flailing limbs. Amethyst laughed at her reaction but stopped when she didn’t hear any back. Vidalia was glowering at her, instead.

“That wasn’t funny. Do you know how little sleep I get?”

“Sleep? You? Since when do you need sleep to party?”

Vidalia sighed and rubbed her temples.

“We talked about this… You have to be more sensitive, Amethyst! You can’t just BURST in like you used to!”

Amethyst felt her defenses begin to build up. She didn’t like this tone of voice.

“But I WAS careful! There’s no Sour Cream here, so I thought-“

“Wait- WHAT? SOUR CREAM?! SOUR CREAM!?”

Vidalia began looking everywhere for him. Amethyst groaned, but helped. They eventually found him in the garage, where he made a fort with his mother’s paintings. Amethyst took the opportunity to suggest another painting session, this time with her in a new form~ But Vidalia had other plans.

“Amethyst… I’m sorry. Could you- please…. Let me be alone for a bit?”

Amethyst felt her cheeks flare up immediately. 

“Alone? But you’re never alone! You’re always with him!” She jabbed a finger to Sour Cream, who merely stared. 

“Yes, and that’s… just how it is now. Look…” Vidalia took a deep breath. “Amethyst… Sour Cream is growing up, but he is still a BABY.” Amethyst clicked her tongue in annoyance, Vidalia ignored it. “He needs me. Every hour, every day, I need to be with him and make sure he’s ok. Babies can’t do anything by themselves. Believe me, I’d much rather be hanging out with you like before, but….”

Vidalia let go of Sour Cream, and he headed back indoors. She put a foot inside the door, and gave Amethyst one last thought.

“With babies, you have to do what’s best for THEM. Not you. You… might have to learn that soon.”

And she left Amethyst alone in the garage, closing the door behind her. Amethyst was full of disappointment.

She wanted to yell. She wanted to protest. She hated being kicked out. She hated being left alone! She hated-

Being abandoned.

Amethyst shook at the realization of what had occurred to her. Spinel had left because of the baby, and now Vidalia did too.

Babies weren’t fair.

She hated saying it. She hated dreading it. But now, when she ran into Rose, she couldn’t help her composure, and instead of the usual enthusiastic baby talk her and Rose had these past few months, Amethyst stayed quiet and walked away.

She knew Rose was happy about her baby, but Amethyst’s opinion of it had now become soured. 

She just wanted it to be over with, and for Spinel to come home.

She just wanted it to be less tense.

She just wanted things to go back to normal.  
~

How many times had she promised to always be there for her?

How many times had she assured Pearl she’d never let her suffer alone?

Well, what was her excuse now?

Pearl was so lost in thought, she didn’t hear Rose asking her for the time.

After asking for a while, Rose sat up from the sand with a huff instead, and Pearl rushed to her side with a flurry of concerns. “Do you need help? Should I get Greg? Do you feel pain?!”

Rose laughed and shook her hands away. “I’m fine Pearl. Where were you? I kept asking for the time.”

Shame made Pearl’s cheeks grow hot. How could she forget about her precious Rose? That Spinel! How dare she take up her thoughts even now??

Pearl responded through gritted teeth. “It was nothing important, I assure you.”

Rose hummed, not believing it, but not arguing. Instead, she got herself fully up, shaking the sand from her dress with Pearl’s help, and patting her belly. Pearl watched as she did so, reaching a hand out, but stopping just before she could touch it. She was still too scared.

Rose saw this, and took Pearl’s hand, surprising her. Pearl almost pulled away on reflex, but stopped herself when Rose spoke.

Still smiling, but her tone was… off. “You’re thinking about Spinel, aren’t you?” 

Pearl had no way of responding. She only looked away, with brows furrowed. She really didn’t want to talk about it.

With more deliberate pronunciations, “I assure you, Rose. It’s nothing important.”

Rose sighed, but let it go. Pearl was relieved, even as she noticed Rose’s shoulders stayed stiff. 

Rose turned around, to the direction of the car wash. Pearl made to follow, but Rose stopped her.

“I need to be alone with Greg for the day. He said he figured out a way I could leave a message for the baby…”

Rose looked back at Pearl, giving her a sad, but forceful look.

“You are dismissed.”

The words stung Pearl on a level she could only remember from the old days. Back when she competed with…. Spinel. Pearl gripped her head to stop herself from going down that path. She bid her farewell and watched her walk away.

Now she was alone.

Walking to the temple, she couldn’t help herself from kicking at the small rocks in the sand. Going back to her childish anger always left her feeling inadequate, but only Spinel. 

Only Spinel.

Only Spinel! Could make her like this. 

That… stupid CLOWN. Why wasn’t she here?? Why did she suddenly BOLT! Like she was the only thing that mattered? 

What happened to the trio? Didn’t she grasp that Rose was leaving them?! That their core/ their ENTIRE reason for being was-

Pearl choked up. She gave up. She fell to the sand, gripping it tightly between her fists. 

She was going to be alone for this. She would really, truly be Rose’s only support. It felt ironic, remembering how much Pearl wanted Spinel out of the picture before, but now. 

She’d give anything to have her here.

Even through her fury. Even through her pains. She really… missed her. She really needed her. 

Pearl sobbed a little longer, before realizing she was in public view. How uncouth of her! She cleaned herself up a smidge and rushed to her room instead.

The only place that was safe.

Away from reality, and away from prying eyes.

Once safely tucked inside, she fell to the floor and hugged herself.

She really wanted to be reassured. She really wanted to be coddled and embraced, she felt so pathetic, and her face burned with shame, but she wanted it so much she shook.

It was like a withdrawal for her from a drug she was so used to. For a shameless second, she considered making a hologram of Spinel just to have SOMETHING.

But she thrashed the suggestion as soon as she got it. She would NEVER stoop that low.

Besides… she reasoned. The holograms were too cold and unfeeling.

And what she needed was her warm hugs.  
~~~

The day had come. 

Rose didn’t know what to think.

Luckily, she was with Greg when she felt the first contraction. She had read so many medical books about this. Done so much research with Greg! But now that it was actually happening, even with all her talk, even with all her hopes, she couldn’t help her feelings of

Fear.

Complete, earth-shattering fear.

She breathed, knowing it did little for a gem like her, but she kept it up because it was what she’d rehearsed with Greg. He held her hand tightly as he drove her to the temple. They had to get everyone. They had to be here. She wanted to look at them all one last time.

Except

Not everyone was there.

Calling out to the gems, her fear built up as every door opened but one. 

She still wasn’t here. 

She was really going to disappear without saying goodbye.

With her last memory being one of them fighting.

With Spinel looking so hurt.

This.

This wasn’t what she wanted.

The squeeze of Greg’s hand as he laid her down on their makeshift bed brought her back to reality. She grimaced at the pains she felt but kept up a nervous smile.

She couldn’t show them her panicking. 

She may have messed up with Spinel but

She still had everyone else here.

The contractions were so strange to her. She knew what her body was doing, but the knowledge hadn’t shielded her from the reality at all. She had always wanted to be something new, to EXPERIENCE something new, and she finally was!

And honestly, this was thrilling!

But-

But she can’t help her thoughts rushing through all at once.

She was leaving.

She would be gone.

Looking across her, her spirits sank more and more.

No more goofing off with Greg.

When was the last time she saw Ruby and Sapphire?

This was the worst she’s ever seen Pearl.

And Amethyst is stepping away, claiming it to be too gross to look.

Rose wants to reach out and keep her in place. She shouldn’t leave her sight! But the pain is too much.

The baby’s time is nearing.

She can feel it.

Everyone’s concerns are muzzled together. Rose is still smiling but she wants to cry. It’s hitting her what this means. What her decision came to.

The enemies she’d made.

The lies she told.

… The friendship she had lost.

What was she leaving behind?

She feels a tear sneak out. She’s shaking so much. The room grows deadly silent.

Then an embrace enveloped her from behind.

Pearl was always the first to jump to comfort her.

Greg always knew what to say.

Garnet stayed the one that counted her contractions.

And Amethyst came back to mimic Pearl’s hug.

Rose cried more, overwhelmed with their love. 

She was so sure they were going to be the best family for her child.

She was so… proud.

She felt her form glowing. 

She was starting to shift.

Everyone gasped as she started to let go. 

She wasn’t going to get to see the future.

She wouldn’t know how far her action’s consequences reached.

But she was confident the friends she left behind would be enough for her baby to grow well.

Her last smile was genuine, the last thing they saw of her. 

And the last thing they heard was

“Thank you.”  
~~~

Spinel came back a month after Steven was born.

She came back to a cold temple where Pearl never left her room, Garnet gave her the cold shoulder, and Amethyst ran away from her problems.

She didn’t like the trouble she left behind.

She didn’t like realizing she didn’t say goodbye to Rose.

She hated having ran away.

But what was done was done.

And all she could do was play puppet to Rose’s whims one last time.

She had to get them back together.

It didn’t take long for Spinel to start picking up the pieces. 

It started with Garnet.

She knew her reason always won over. She followed her close behind as she tracked down corrupted gems. As much as Garnet protested by saying she was giving everyone a break, as much as she insisted, she could handle a few on her own, Spinel knew her too well.

Garnet was eventually overwhelmed by a hoard, and Spinel jumped in to help. They managed to barely escape but got stuck together on a tree as the bottom littered itself with big corrupted gems.

Perfect. What a beautiful failure this expedition was.

Garnet was so done for the night. For her life. 

As Spinel tried reviewing strategies to escape, she failed to notice the grimace Garnet wore. Then Garnet walked over and punched the trunk, shaking it enough for leaves to fall on gaping monstrous jaws. 

That finally shut Spinel’s chatter.

She watched on as Garnet gave another, then another, and one final punch before unfusing. Ruby was crying, continuing her punches, leaving scorch marks on the bark. Sapphire watched Ruby for a bit, then moved to sit down, her hands gripping each other on her lap neatly. 

Spinel was scared.

She’d only ever helped Garnet. She’d never dealt with both.

She held her ground, though, and moved to sit with Sapphire.

She had to start somewhere.

But 

Talking to Sapphire was like talking to a wall. She gave no real replies, only nods and hums. Nothing could get through her passive-aggressiveness. 

Ruby finally stopped hitting the trunk when she reached a third of its core, then went to sit with Sapphire. They held hands and looked down at the corrupted gems now laying down at the base of the tree. Spinel took a deep breath and tried again.

Ruby cut her off immediately.

“Why did you leave us?”

Spinel had an answer prepared.

“I needed some time by myself.”

Ruby gripped her hair.

She understood, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to be irrational. And, looking down at the icicles forming on the branch, she knew Sapphire wanted to as well. They needed to vent.

So they did. It started with more of Ruby’s fiery accusations. Spinel had an answer for all of them, never wavering her sincere apologies. They began to drape over Ruby’s flames, calming her down and helping her come to terms with how helpless the situation was, but then-

Sapphire stood up.

“Your apologies aren’t going to rewind time.”

Even Ruby flinched at that. 

But it didn’t deter Spinel. She already loaded the feelings of guilt into a locked safe deep in her mind. She gave her the same replies; there’s nothing else that could be done. It was over now and all she could do was help them come back from it.

They looked at each other and failed to notice the cracks of the trunk above cracking.

Sapphire had been too busy in the present; she hadn’t looked at the future. They were all shocked. Ruby dodged just in time, carrying Sapphire, but Spinel was pinned in an instant. Ruby and Sapphire gasped as the tree rolled over; no cracks in the gem, the only damage was her getting poofed. They were both relieved and worried. Without Spinel’s extra hands, they didn’t know how they could leave the forest without attracting the corrupted gems.

But after much deliberation and conversation, they came up with the idea of jumping tree to tree.

It was treecky (I am so sorry, the pun just wrote itself before I realized), but it was doable.

Until Ruby almost slipped with Spinel’s gem in hand. 

At the last second, Sapphire managed to twist herself and carry Ruby back up, like a swing Pearl would do in her dance. That little moment of connection was all they needed to naturally fuse once more, trusting smiles in their faces. Together, they parkoured more in sync. 

Garnet finally made it a safe distance away before jumping down to the ground and booking it to the nearest warp. Before she reached it, she felt the gem shaking, and looked just in time to catch the sudden glow. 

Garnet dropped the gem and saw Spinel pop out, her new form a bit of a mess but… nice. 

Soft.

Garnet didn’t know where she got the inclination to wear a skirt for the first time, but she liked it.

That didn’t mean she wanted to let Spinel off the hook, though.

Once Spinel realized they got out of trouble, she calmed her stance and stared awkwardly at Garnet. She was glad they were back together.

Garnet held the stare again for a shorter amount, before dropping her shoulders and opening her arms. Spinel came in for the hug.

Garnet admits she missed her. But she needs to work towards forgiveness. Spinel assures her she’s ready to put in the work. 

And, seeing how well Garnet did without her, Spinel reassured her she believed the group was in good hands. Garnet stood still, and started shaking her head. It was too soon. The shock was still residing.

Spinel hesitantly agreed; she had more work to do with the others. But she was glad to see Garnet smiling again. She holds Garnet’s arm for the rest of the walk to the warp, coming up with smaller team building activities to take on in the meantime. Garnet started with her usual curt answers, but as each new suggestion took a more drastic turn, she couldn’t help let out small bits of laughter.

She was so relieved to have Spinel back. It was a weight off her shoulders. 

Now she felt both whole and not alone in her role.

~~~~~~

Spinel stood outside Pearl’s door, her hand having stayed in the position of knocking without doing so for an hour. 

She had never been more nervous in her life.

Based on Garnet’s talk, Pearl hadn’t left her room since the day of the birth. Spinel could only imagine how deeply Pearl shut herself inside her mind.

When Amethyst took her attention, the Pearl backlash was bad. Spinel didn’t want to think about how far this sent her back on her progress.

She hoped above all else to be proven wrong.

That Pearl would not give her the cold shoulder, and just let her back in for her much needed help.

But she was Spinel, and she didn’t prepare for best-case scenarios with feelings hanging around.

She fixed her skirt one last time, before giving a small knock.

It took a few seconds, but Spinel could definitely hear…. Something. Clanging? It was the loudest she’d ever heard Pearl’s room! 

And it only got louder as it approached the door quickly.

In a flash, it opened, and Spinel barely registered the gem her arms unwittingly caught.

Pearl gripped her tightly like the world was crumbling. In a way, Spinel guessed it had.

No sounds came out, no words. Only tight squeezes and quiet sniffles. Spinel picked her up and moved inside the room, making sure the door closed behind her. 

No need for the others to see.

Turning around to face the room, her pigtails dropped at what she saw.

Chaos.

The room that always reflected Pearl’s orderly mind had turned messy and disheveled. 

Not as bad as Amethyst’s, mind you, but by Pearl’s standards?

Spinel was aghast.

“Oh Pearl…”

Pearl sniffled a bit harder and buried her head a bit deeper. 

Spinel got to a high ground on top a pile of… something. She sat and held Pearl for hours. 

In a way, it was nice to be able to have such an intimate embrace go on for so long. But its reasons kept concerns from fleeing Spinel’s mind.

Pearl was so still, she was almost convinced she had finally learned how to sleep. Then she stirred and began to speak.

“Where did you go?”

Her voice was soft and so unlike the confident Pearl Spinel was so used to.

Spinel could give no answer that would satisfy.

“Nowhere in particular. I just. Had to go.”

“Why?”

This tiny word had a break.

Spinel tried to move to look at Pearl, but she was having none of it. She wanted to stay cocooned together.

“I just… had to be by myself.”

It really was the truth. 

In her time spent alone, she had realized it was the first time she had no other gem around. It was as liberating as it was terrifying. She still wasn’t sure if it even helped her at all.

But she couldn’t say that. She instead turned her mind to things in the room. All the items relating to the war in her care laid scattered, each weapon was stuck to a surface. She continued cradling Pearl as she noticed the lights dim.

“I planned on hating you, you know?”

Spinel stopped but surprise wasn’t in her. She knew full well.

“I wanted to blame you and take out some of these feelings on you.”

Spinel was so prepared for it too. Willing, even. But if Pearl was bringing this up now…

“But as soon as I heard your knock, I just. Couldn’t.”

Warmth rushed like a gate. Spinel wanted to squash it down but failed.

“I missed you. So much. I needed you. So. Much. She needed you too. We all did. But you weren’t there…”

Here, the waterworks start. Spinel’s guilt safe is drowning in them, but she can’t open herself up.

“I’m so sorry.”

She really means it.

All Pearl can do is keep clutching and crying, with Spinel following after.

But then come the catching up talks Garnet failed to mention.

How much Rose changed day by day, how much mellower she got, how in her last moments she cried and told them thank you. 

Greg had the baby now, and Spinel felt relieved at knowing there was very little chance she’d have to shee it. She knew she would have to face it eventually but….

She finally coaxed Pearl to let go enough for Spinel to look at her face closely, wiping her tears and kissing her head, bringing her down in a softer hug where Spinel could rest her head on Pearl’s. 

She really had her hands full.

And she hadn’t even gotten to explaining it to Amethyst yet.

~~~~~  
(So uh, this is awkward, but I already went more in depth with Amethyst’s part of this in chapter 2 :, D so overall: )

Spinel vowed to herself again that she would never leave these gems for as long as she lived. And, as terrible as it was to think it, Spinel reasoned that without Rose… she had no reason to ever flee again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. More timeline stuff. Razzle Dazzle~! *uses jazz hands to hide their sadness* There’s still more catching up to do for the past timeline now that we have reached Steven’s lil era, but honestly, I just wanted to finish up to here for the next part. I do believe I’m jumping back in the next installment to the more modern times (with Spinel gone). I’m trying to balance the storytelling of both sides to compliment each other. 
> 
> Sooos Imma spill some stuff I thought about through writing this section. I was major scared on how to write the Rose giving birth bit. I mean, hooooooweeeeey, writing giving birth is….. ick. And hard. And uuuuuuuuh. And with gems? Im HOPING this is somewhat believable, I tried to think it through to be as realistically canon as possible. Only so much to work with when all you know is Rose studied medical books to shapeshift a womb. Oof. ;-;
> 
> And I always say this when a chapter has Rose, but I always feel I need to point it out. My characterization of Rose is the way I pieced her to be from the show. Writing this AU really made me open my eyes to how…. jarring Rose’s decision to have Steven without consulting her friends was when she knew the consequences. And what she was leaving behind. *sad flops* It also made me realize that the original way I wrote the Chapter 2 Spinel and CG interactions when she came back for Garnet and Pearl were oversimplified. Of course they would be mad and hurt. She really did just abandon them in a great time of need. The audience knows why, but they won’t. Spinel still feels the need to protect Rose’s image to them, even at her cost.
> 
> I like writing Garnet, and I hope the Ruby and Sapphire moments were believable. I was writing too much into their confrontation with Spinel and their logic started getting loopy on me so I just generalized it :,T A lot of Spinel’s dialogue to Garnet and Pearl is the same. There’s nothing she can do but say she’s sorry, and she’s willing to do the work to help them move on. 
> 
> Oh and uh, almost forgot. Yeeeah im skipping on explaining what Spinel does in her time away. I never really found an answer I liked. Some I considered were, she hangs out at a city, she stays alone in an island, she just keeps walking around like a tourist and the closest one but I felt was also something I kept going back to too much, she hides up in the moon base just to relive her ‘good times.’ In the end, it really doesn’t matter to me for this story. I explained what she got from her time alone (mostly nothing, just a momentary escape), and that’s all I needed. :,,,,3
> 
> P.P.S I ended up taking an idea too far and made a gemsona Spinel. Black Spinel cuz Im 20 and still not over my wannabe goth phase :,3 I may end up posting pics of it in my art blog later since I did end up liking them more than I thought…


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